The Joy of Rediscovering You
by Miss48
Summary: Formerly "Pulling Out of Here to Win". This was the original name and I think it's more fitting!   Finn and Rachel are faced with a decades worth of bad choices and learning how to grow from them.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So excited about this story! Let me know what you think!

* * *

April 2022

Rachel stepped off the plane in New York and let her eyes scan the landscape, taking in her surroundings. It had been a decade since she had been back in the States; 10 years, 3650 days. It felt like only yesterday that she left everything behind to follow her dreams. Dreams that took her all the way to London, England. Her time on the London stage was supposed to be short lived, 1 year and then back to the States, to New York more specifically. But when her contract was up after that first year the opportunity to return to the US didn't present itself and the role she felt she was born to play was given to someone else. So she renewed her contract for two more years. At the end of those two years Rachel Berry had become a bonified celebrity in the UK. She was 21 years old and had the world at her fingers. Rachel did not know where the years went, when did a decade pass?

She had become an official Londoner, complete with her own slight British accent. She wasn't sure what had kept her away for so long, she just knew she never made the leap. She was a star in London and each year the idea of heading to NY, of starting over scared her more. She had nothing to pull her back to the US, her Dad's visited her in London whenever they could. All she had back home in the US, tucked away in the Midwestern town of Lima, Ohio was a past filled with shattered dreams and broken promises. And the only person she had to blame was herself.

* * *

Finn Hudson looked at the clock in his modest kitchen. It was 6:30 am and he was already running late. He put the coffee on and then bolted up the stairs to awaken his sleeping son. He had 30 minutes to get him up, dressed and ready to catch the preschool bus that always arrived promptly at 7 am. At 4 years old Jackson Hudson was already a spitting image of his father and the pride of his life. Jackson was one of the few things about the past decade he was proud of. After high school Finn moved to New York City following a ghost, hoping being in "their" city would make things better. Boy had he been wrong. Within 6 months he had dropped out of school, distanced his friends back home and developed quite a nasty drinking habit. Finn spent his early 20s living in a crappy apartment in Queens with two douche bag roommates, working in a record store and playing in various bands. Shortly after his 22nd birthday he met Gretchen. She was no Rachel Berry but she was a pretty, young talented girl who sung lead for the band he had started playing for. Gretchen was the first girl he had found himself interested in since high school and while she would never live up to the ghost in his past, he knew it had to move on with his life. 6 months after they began dating he married her much to the distain of his mother. To this day Finn could not pinpoint what his rush had been. He blamed it mostly on fear, he would never let love get away from him again.

9 months later they welcomed Jackson Christopher Hudson to the world on August 14, 2017. With the birth of baby Jackson the couple moved to New Jersey and got mediocre jobs. Really they were both playing house and as mom's usually are, Finn's mom had been correct. It didn't take long for things to fall apart. Just after Jackson turned 6 months old Gretchen left, saying she wasn't made for domestically. She moved back to the city, joined a new band and filed for divorce. Suddenly Finn was 24, divorced, a single father and completely in over his head. So he moved back to Lima and go this life under control, went to college and dedicated his life to raising the son his ex-wife had willingly given him full custody of. He didn't get how she could just sign over all parental right but he was glad she did nonetheless.

Finn's phone rang as he watched his son get onto the bus. He flipped it open as he walked inside to get ready for his day. He worked in Columbus as a Sport's Broadcaster and Adjunct Communications Professor at the University of Ohio. It wasn't as glamorous as the future he had once dreamed of but it paid well. Plus Finn loved sports and he got paid to talk and write about them all day. Plus the University had a place in his heart, he was an alumni.

"Hello"

"Hey it's me" he heard the familiar voice of his best friend.

He found it funny that after all the shit that went down in HS, with both Quinn and later Rachel, that Puck was the one who still had his back after all this time. When Finn moved back to Ohio, baby in tow, he was a complete wreak. He had not even been home for a full day when Puck came to visit him. They had not spoken since HS but it had been like old times. Shockingly Puck was a great support, he even watched Jack few times while Finn was in class. They joked about how two of the most popular guys in high school, "fucking talented dudes" nonetheless, had become Lima Losers. Puck's life was not all sugarplums and roses either. His failure helped Finn realize that you get what life gives you but you get to decide what to do with it.

"What's up?" Finn asked.

"Our 10 year HS reunion is next month and I think we should make an appearance" Puck said into his ear.

Finn grumbled, the last thing he wanted to do was go back to McKinley and make sure everyone saw he was a loser. He had so much ambition all those years ago and yet he didn't manage to get out and stay out, he came crawling back, tail between his legs.

* * *

Rachel had kept in touch with only one person from her past. When she got back to NY it only made sense for her to look Kurt up. After he had switched schools junior year they had become good friends. They had run into each other 3 years ago in Milan, Italy at a Fashion Show. She had been shocked to get to the show and see the man behind the House of Hummell. She had always thought it was just a coincidence, a long ago memory to a life she no longer lived. Kurt literally almost fell over when he saw her. He was white and it took a few moments for him to finally speak. "Well if it isn't the Ghost of Glee Clubs Past" he finally choked out and she knew at that minute that they would be okay. They talked for hours that night and came to one agreement to their new friendship, no talk of the Lima or the past. Only talk of their new fabulous lives and the wonderful future before them. Rachel wasn't even sure Kurt would be home but she traveled to his loft in the village anyway. He lived in a trendy neighborhood that fit in with who Kurt Hummell was much better than Lima, Ohio ever could. As Rachel climbed the stairs to her destination she felt her stomach grumble with nerves. She wasn't even sure why she was nervous, this was Kurt after all. So she took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the door. Inside she heard a soft crash and a swear, the door was jerked open and the eyes staring back at her were nto familiar.

"Yes" the man said abruptly

"I was looking for Kurt Hummell" she said timidly.

"And you are?" he was staring her down.

"Rachel Berry" she said more boldly "he will know who I am"

"Kurt" he yelled loudly

She heard some shuffling from deep inside the apartment as Kurt emerged from a room on the left.

"Well if it isn't my past in her all her glory" he joked pulling her into a hug.

"You are hilarious" she said sarcastically.

"To what does the great city of New York owe the visit?" he moved aside letting her into the vast space.

In NY space was a commodity and the size of Kurt's spoke volumes of the success he had achieved in life, well that and the beautiful trophy boyfriend he dragged around the world with him. Rachel would never admit it to Kurt, but she sort of missed Blaine. Rachel had never met Nathan before now but she had heard stories.

"Nate, this is Rachel Berry" Kurt said as they passed him in the hallway.

"Fabulous to meet you" he held a hand in her direction "It's nice to have a face to put with the name and stories".

She took his hand in a solid handshake as his finished his statement. He seemed a bit cocky to her and defiantly diva-like but who was she to judge, she'd been called worse than a diva in her time.

"Stories" she gasped at Kurt who just shrugged in her direction

"What? You had quite the impact on life in high school. You are truly a force to be recond with" Kurt smiled as he led her into his large living room.

"Was" she said sullenly.

"What?" Kurt said turning in her direction his silk robe billowing out around him as he clicked a button on a remote, the fireplace roaring to life.

"I was a force to be recend with, in high school, but that was a long time ago Kurt"

"Rachel you are one of the most God givenly talented people I have ever met." Kurt turned to Nathan "She made it easy to hate her in high school, but her talent was undeniable"

"The distant past" she said sitting on the suede sofa

"Not that long ago Rachel dear. Plus I refuse to accept that we are pushing 30"

She laughed "You Kurt Hummell have not aged a day"

"Are you saying I still look awkwardly 16?" he sat across from her

"Maybe" she smirked at him.

"So, tell me, Rachel why are you here?"

"It's a long and boring story" she lied to her friend, realizing that he was the only one she had in the world right now.

She had her reasons for the deceit, the reasoning behind leaving London was not something she wanted to get into.

"I have time" Kurt smiled

"Honestly, it's nothing special. It just wasn't fun anymore" she sighed and that was the complete truth.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This is a short transitional chapter. Some more background into who Finn and Rachel are now. Don't worry we will get to some Finchel but I think it's important to my character development to really see how the last 10 years has shaped them. Not just Finn and Rachel, but Kurt and Puck as well. And it's leading into the plot more too. Let me know what you guys think so far!

* * *

May 2022

Rachel was jolted form her slumber by the feeling of someone standing over her. Her eyes opened and Kurt's form adjusted in her sight. She had been back in the states for a month, crashing in Kurt's guest bedroom and not doing much else. And she had been quite for Rachel Berry standards. She wouldn't talk about London, at least the last year. She just layed around moping. When she could sense shew as getting on their nerves Rachel would walk the streets of the city she had once dreamed would be her home. She often found herself walking the streets of the theater district looking at the marquees and play boxes and wondering what her life would have been like to have been a star on these stages. She was 27 years old and had no idea what she was doing with her life. She had no idea where to go from here. Rachel had thought she knew exactly what she was going to do with her life but now she was beginning to doubt her choices.

"Rachel" Kurt said a little to loudly and she sat up to give him her full attention.

"What?" she questioned

"You need to pack a bag" he said

Rachel began to panic, was he kicking her out? This was it, the moment she had feared. Where would she go? What would she do? She should not have wasted the last month doing nothing, she should have been beating the pavement, she should have been getting her life together.

"Why" her voice was barely above a whisper, she held her breath, waiting for it.

"Because we are leaving soon" he told her standing.

He pulled her duffel bag from the closet that held more of his clothing than hers. A perfect reminder that she had nothing of value right now. She had left so much behind in London when she left but those were all material things. The important stuff, she was beginning to realize, she had left behind years ago. She had left behind in Lima.

"Where are we going" Rachel was still rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

She looked at the clock, it was 7am, she had not been up this early in god knows how long.

"Lima"

"What? Why?" she screeched.

"Because my dear Rachel, our 10th reunion is this weekend and we are far to successful to miss it. It's time to show that cow town who Kurt Hummell and Rachel Berry have become"

Rachel felt the bile rise in their throat, this was the last thing in the world she wanted to do. Lima, Ohio… a town full of losers. And she was headed back just as she had left it, a nobody.

* * *

"Daddy NO" Jack shrieked as Finn tried to pry the child from his thighs.

Finn was not sure when this clingy behavior had began but he was more than ready to put a stop to it. It was Friday night and he had stupidly let Puck talk him into going to the reunion. He wasn't even sure how or why he had agreed to this but here he was getting ready to face high school once again.

"Jackson" he started squatting down in front of his son "Daddy has to go out for a while with Uncle Puck. Grandma and Grandpa are going to spend some time with you"

"No Daddy" he squawked

Finn looked up at his mother and Burt with a sympathetic gaze. He felt really awful leaving his screaming child with his parents for the night. He was actually considering calling Puck and canceling the whole thing when his mothers voice got his attention. He could barely hear her over Jackson's screaming.

"Go Finn" she began "He will calm down trust me"

"I feel awful leaving you with a cranky kid" he said.

"Finn you never take time for yourself. Your 28 years old and I have more of a social life than you" Burt laughed "Son… go"

Finn smiled a thanks in his parents direction and kissed his sons head before rising to his feet.

"Oh and Finn" Burt began "When that son of mine makes an appearance tell him he better dome see his old man before he jets back to his fabulous life in the Big City"

"Will do and thanks again Dad" Finn said as he walked out the door to the sound of his son screaming in the background.

Finn had not seen Kurt in a number of years but the two were still close. Kurt had tried fruitlessly to get Finn to come visit him in New York but Finn had no desire to do so. The streets of NY were like his own personal boulevard of broken dreams. New York was supposed to be the answer to all of their dreams, they were going to rise up out of their Midwestern roots and become stars, together. New York should have been an amazing journey but instead it was a mess. The streets of the city were haunted by her ghost and the short time he lived there he had realized it had been her city. The stories she had told him did not measure up to his own vision of what he saw. As the years past Finn thought that her memory would fade but she never did. Rachel Berry had always had him, even when they broke up in HS he grip on his heart had never lessened. In the haze of alcohol, in the arms of his wife, in the music in his heart, she was always there. He thought about her more often then he was sure it was healthy to. What was she doing? Where she was and if she was happy. For Finn Hudson it never got easier, she would always be the one who got away. His mom said it was because he had no closure but he knew the truth. It was because Rachel Berry always had and always would have a piece of his heart, one that he would never be able to get back.

* * *

"Why are we staying in a hotel?" she asked Kurt as he handed her the room key

"It's just easier not to burden anyone"

"I don't think my Dads would think I was a burden" she said a bit exacerbated.

"Kurt has no plans to make this a social visit" Nathan replied.

"What?" Rachel asked

"In for the night, out in the morning. Its not fair to grace your parents with such a short visit" Nate said as if this was something she should have known.

"Your not going to stop and see your Dad and Carole?" her name flooded Rachel with memories. She had loved Finn's mom as her own mother.

"I see them Rach" Kurt sat on the bed "they come to New York at least twice a year."

"You never come home?"

"This is not my home Rachel, it's just where I grew up. And no, I haven't been in Lima in a couple years. The Kurt Hummell who lived here is not who I am now. Why should I come back?"

Rachel looked at Kurt like he was insane. Why did he have such an adversity to spending a little time in Lima.

"Don't look at me like that Rachel Berry, When was the last time you graced Lima, Ohio with your presence"

"That's different Kurt, I was in London, my schedule didn't allow for such travel"

"Excuses Rachel. We are not that different. We are all running, from something, to something. Look if you want to visit your Dads then do so but don't judge my choices"

Rachel watched them leave her mind lost in thought. Kurt was right, who was she to judge his decisions. She had ran away 10 years ago and had been running ever since.

* * *

"Remind me again why we are doing this" Finn asked Puck as they drove towards the Lima Club

"Who doesn't want to go back to high school"

"Me, once was good enough. Seriously Puck, why so adamant?"

"Maybe high school was it for me man" Puck began "for us."

"Are you saying we peaked in high school?"

"Maybe"

This was unlike Puck, the dude could be seriously egotistical at times. This was a different side of Puck, a more nostalgic side. It was as if he really thought that going back to this reunion would take them back to their glory days. Finn could see the certain innocence to it. They had not been jaded by life yet, they had a whole future ahead of them, decisions to make and choices. Finn thought of this stuff often but it was usually Puck who was reminding him that life is a journey and you just have to hold on tight and ride it out at times. Finn looked over at Puck who was staring pensively out the window and it was in that moment, by the light of the streetlights that he saw Puck for who he really was for the first time in years. He was damaged, just like the rest of them.


	3. Chapter 3

The banquet room at the Lima Club was all decked out in red and white, the DJ was spinning music popular from their HS days and Finn felt he had stepped into a time warp. Like he was right back at William McKinley with all the same people and all the same childish issues. Finn played with his tie as his eyes scanned the room, a nervous habit he had picked up during his days performing in Glee. They claimed a table on the far wall and within minutes Puck was gone. In some ways, Puck had not changed much and Finn couldn't help but smile to himself as Puck managed to sniff out an entire group of former Cheerios. Apparently his "Skank-dar" as Finn had called it, was in full effect. Finn scanned the room but he didn't see anyone he really cared to chat with, he had came to see his Gleeks and it appeared he and Puck were the first from the former Glee Club to arrive. It was amazing how close the club had become by the time they graduated. They had become true friends, they had been in the trenches together and had risen up together. Finn swirled the ice around in his cup. He didn't drink much, it was one of the things he left behind in NY, but every so often he needed some liquid courage. Going back to HS was one of those times, he really hoped he wouldn't end up with a slushie facial by the end of the night. He took a huge sip of the burning amber liquid when he heard a familiar voice.

"Well if it isn't Finn Hudson"

Finn turned to see Santana Lopez standing behind him on the arm of a man who appeared much older than they were. The man clearly had money since Santana was dripping with expensive looking jewelry.

"Hi Santana" Finn said faking as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

"How have you been darling?" she purred kissing him on both cheeks.

Time had been kind to Santana and this man's wallet had been nice to her breasts which were much larger and just as fake as they had been in HS.

"I've been good. You seem to be doing well yourself" he said as his eyes drifted to her chest once again. It was like a car wreck, he just couldn't look away.

"Oh we try" she squeezed the man's arm "Oh how rude of me. Finn, this is my husband Francis; Fran this is Finn, an old HS friend of mine and former starting quarterback of the titans."

"Nice to meet you" Finn held out his hand to the older man. He was pretty sure he saw an age spot on the back of the mans palm.

"Likewise. It's always nice to meet my Tanie's friends"

Santana giggled putting a slender hand on the man's bicep. The ring on her finger was so large Finn was pretty sure it needed it's own zip code.

"Fran loves my stories of high school, makes him reminisce to his own high school days, doesn't it baby?" she purred provocatively.

Finn grabbed another drink off a passing tray and tipped his head back giving the bitter liquid a direct route to his stomach. There was not enough liquor in the room to make Santana Lop…. Whoever she was now, less grating. Finn had to hold himself back from asking Santana if she was even born yet when Fran was in high school.

"So were you guys an item?" Fran winked and Finn felt like he was having a conversation with his grandfather.

"No, not really" Finn wanted to get away from this conversation as quickly as possible. He scanned the room looking for Puck.

"Finn was caught up in the schools resident diva, she had the boy by the balls. Finchel, they were so cute it made you want to vomit. Well until she ran off into the sunset" Santana began.

Finn balked, did she really just bring up Rachel?

"Finn and I had our moments though" she finished with a sly smile.

"Oh yeah" her husband asked.

"You never forget your first time do you Finny?"

Finn almost dropped his glass, was she really going to bring this up too? Finn would always regret sleeping with Santana.

"Santana" he hissed but she just had a cocky smile on her face.

"I'm guessing his V-Card is part of your large collection my dear" Fran smiled at his wife

"What can I say? I thought fresh meat was better, until you showed me that some things are better aged" She leaned up and planted a soft kiss on the mans lip.

Finn had to get out of here, he was going to kill Puck for letting him talk him into this disaster. High school was bad enough the first time around and Santana had clearly not changed much, she had always found ways to make his life hell. It was who Santana was, as beautiful a women as she was, her personality was a definite deal breaker. Finn was about to pull himself away when he heard Puck behind him.

"Well if it isn't Santana Lopez! How are you, you big whore"

"What's wrong Puckerman, still mad you weren't able to hold on to me after high school"

Just when Finn though it couldn't have gotten any more awkward he had been wrong. Puck and Santana had lived together for two years after high school, then Puck blew out his knee, the NFL slipped away and so did Santana. Finn needed to get out of here now, he had no interest in reliving Santana and Puck's tumultuous past, they were to alike for their own goods. Finn slipped away from them heading for the doors to get slip outside and get some air.

* * *

Rachel felt like she could vomit, this might not have been a great idea. In fact it hadn't been her idea at all.

"Fashionably late as usual" Nate joked with Kurt from the front seat of their rental. Rachel felt like a permanent third wheel. When they got back to NY she had to get a job and find her own place. But what does a nearly 30 year old washed up musical theater star do next? She had only done one thing in her adult life and that was sing, she had no marketable skills, no college education and zero experience in the work force. This whole situation was seriously stressing her out. She realized now that her Dad's had been right all those years ago. An education would have given her a back-up plan but 18 year old Rachel had been to stubborn to see anything beyond her dreams. She didn't think college was important because she was going to be a star, she was going to make a name for herself and be set for life.

"Are you coming or what?" Kurt snapped her back to the current task at hand.

"Yeah sorry" she sighed, now was not the time to access the state of her life.

Kurt was buzzing with excitement, he could not wait to get inside and rub his success in everyone's faces. Kurt lived for showing up the people who had once put him down, that had made his life a living hell. He dramatically shoved the doors open, people near the door startling a little.

On stage Jacob Ben-Israel was droning on about the class of 2012 in 2022. He was still just as awkward and dorky as ever.

"So let's hear it for our champion Cheerios"

The crowd clapped as Kurt pushed through the crowd dragging Rachel behind him.

"Kurt Hummell" she heard a soft feminine voice

Kurt spun around to see Mercedes sitting at a table against the wall.

"Diva" he squealed and flung himself in her direction as Jacob droned on about the success of their class.

They broke from their hug and Mercedes eyes fell on Rachel. She looked as though she had seen a ghost. She walked around Kurt and pulled Rachel into a strong hug, no words were exchanged just the comforting feeling of familiarity. They stood like that for what felt like forever and in the arms of her friend Rachel felt happy.

"Rachel Berry" Mercedes said pulling away from her

"Mercedes Jones" Rachel smiled back

"Actually it's Mercedes Aurio now" she pointed across the room to a handsome black man "That's my husband Nick"

"Oh congrats" Rachel said

"Yep, it'll be three years this August. I have never been happier" Mercedes pulled her wallet from her purse "And this is our beautiful Annaleese"

Rachel looked at the smiling baby and felt her heart break a little. Mercedes had a beautiful family, she was happy and in love. Rachel wanted that, she wanted that feeling of having her own family, she was alone she realized now more than ever.

"So Rachel, What happened after high school, you just disappeared girl"

"I went to London" she began when Jacob's voice got their attention.

"And how about Kurt Hummell who has his own house of fashion. I mean how can we be shocked by this? Nobody was more daring of a dresser during our days at McKinley except maybe Rachel Berry. She tried to single handedly bring knee socks and animal sweaters out of the elementary schools" Jacob said from the stage.

Rachel felt her skin turn crimson as Mercedes squeezed her arm beside her.

"Whatever happened to Rachel Berry, the girl destined for the Broadway Stage. She's our classes biggest enigma. Did she ever really exist at all?" Jacob laughed. He clearly didn't know she was here.

"Maybe you should ask Finn Hudson" someone called out and Rachel flinched.

Her eyes scanned the room but he didn't appear to be here. Finn was hard to miss, even in a crowd. She felt both relief and disappointment, even after all these years she missed him like crazy.

"This Rachel Berry?" Kurt yelled out and she could feel Kurt pushing her forward.

She was pulled out of Mercedes comforting grasp as people gasped and some shouted questions in her direction.

"Kurt" she hissed "What are you doing?"

"Giving you a proper homecoming Berry, we all have to come home someday"

"What the hell Kurt" she was angry, she had not even wanted to come here to begin with.

"Come on Rach, how often do we get to show this po-dunk town how much bigger than them we have become" Kurt's eyes were flashing "you're an international star Berry."

"Was, I was a star. In London. Nobody is going to care about that Kurt"

"So exaggerate" Kurt was now dragging her forward.

"Kurt I don't want to talk about London" she jerked him still.

"Leave her alone darling, this town is only big enough for one star anyway" Nathan said.

He was really getting on her nerves. She had built such a strong relationship with Blaine back in high school that she doubted any of Kurt's boyfriends would match up. She didn't know all the details of their split since they had still been together when she left but she knew that Blaine would never have let Kurt put her in this position. Nonetheless she was thankful for Nathan's interjection even if it was laced with insult.

"I thought you were dead" a familiar voice said beside her.

Rachel spun around to see Quinn Fabrey standing beside her, this night was getting better and better. Behind her Sam Evans smiled a hello in Rachel's direction.

"That's nice Quinn" she answered.

"No literally, nobody has seen you in 10 years, Sam and I actually thought you were dead"

"Maybe I was… to all of you" Rachel snapped and Quinn actually looked a bit hurt.

Rachel had had more than enough excitement for one night so she just turned to leave. She knew it was rude to just walk out like that but she really did not care. She pushed through the heavy lobby doors and into the cool night air breathing in deeply. It was so quiet out here it was calming. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. She didn't know how long she was standing there trying to decide what to do next. She couldn't just hold up this wall forever though and since this was Lima and Kurt drove it looked like she was walking back to the hotel. How could anyone live in a town without taxi's?

* * *

Finn needed to drive, he needed to clear his mind and put that whole Santana disaster behind him. He had had every intention of going back into the reunion when he had slipped outside but then changed his mind. He didn't need to go back to high school, he had nothing to prove. Finn almost wrecked his car when he saw her illuminated in his headlights. He thought for a minute that he might have been hallucinating. She was walking at a steady pace, her coat wrapped around her, her long dark hair swirling in the blustery wind. Finn knew it was her without having to see her face. It was the image that had been haunting his memories for the last decade. He had once known Rachel's body better than his own, it wasn't something that was easy to forget. Finn slammed on his breaks, his car skidding to a stop. He knew he should have kept on driving but his body reacted before his mind had time to think. She caught his eye before he could react, before he could speed away into the night. He opened the door and stood, his foot resting the door frame, the car dinging an alert.

"Finn" she said standing under the streetlight, shock thick in her voice.

"Hi Rachel" he said simply

He said nothing else, made no attempt to move from where he was firmly planted. She just stood there on the curb, occasionally shifting from foot to foot. The awkwardness sizzled between them. Anyone who saw them now never would have guessed how close they had once been. How one had completed the other.

"So how have you been" she said timidly.

He didn't respond instead he was trying to process his thoughts before they slipped from his mouth.

"What are you doing here Rachel?" he finally spoke unable to believe that she was standing in front of him.

His voice was hard and distant, nothing like the voice of the boy she once loved, that part of her still loved. Finn Hudson had grown up, his was now the voice of a man, gravelly with advancing age and abuse. And it wasn't just his voice but his whole being, his hair was longer and she could see evidence of a five o'clock shadow, Finn Hudson had grown up beautifully.

"I was, am, in town for the reunion. Kurt brought me along"

"Kurt" Finn shook his head, it would figure his own step brother would omit the fact that he had seen Rachel. Correction was seeing Rachel.

"Yeah I'm sort of staying with him in New York" she was nervous, fidgety.

"I though you were living in London" he asked coolly.

"I was" she didn't give anymore than that simple explanation.

She had so much she wanted to tell him, so much to share with him and after all that passed between them she still wanted to close the distance, run into his arms and hug him. She stepped off the curb and into the street. Taking a few steps in his direction before stopping at a comfortable distance. He didn't move, he still stood in the open doorway of his car.

"Finn" she started "I..."

"No Rachel, I can't do this"

"Do what?"

"This."

"Talk?"

"Rachel, You don't get to just walk back into my life after 10 years"

She didn't say anything, what could she say, he was right after all. She was the one who had left him, she took off to follow dreams she though had been more important than anything. She had been wrong.

"Finn I'm sor…" she started but he cut her off

"Don't do that Rachel."

"Apologize?"

"Yeah. You made your choices, don't apologize for them"

"I was 18"

"I know" he said simply

She wondered when his voice had become so hard. She hadn't seen him in so long and all she was the pain and upset she had caused him. She felt like she was 16 again, standing in that Christmas Tree lot the last time she broke his heart. That had overcome that, but this, she knew would take a lot more than a simple I'm Sorry. She had thought she had all those feelings under control but she was hit hard by them. Seeing Finn had opened up a lifetime of regrets, pain and unrequited love. She looked at him in the dim light of the moon and he was watching her, she wanted to know what he was thinking but she knew it was really none of her business and part of her realized she might not want to know anyway.

"I'm sorry but I really have to go. Take care Rachel" he said getting into his car.

He had to get away from here. He could barely understand the flurry of emotion deep within him. He had felt it once before, years ago, junior year of high school. They had broken up once before and it was those feelings returning again after all this time. He knew a part of him still loved Rachel, maybe it was the lack of closure, maybe it was because she had been his soul mate, but he did not know until right now how big a part of him it was. He felt overwhelmed, like he couldn't breathe.

"Yeah you too" she said to his fleeing car.

That was the last thing she wanted to happen she thought as tears began to run down her cheeks.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: The Aftermath!

* * *

"Kurt's in town" Finn said letting himself into his Mom and Burt's house. He was in a snit, seeing Rachel again had thrown him off, had opened an Pandora's box of emotion.

"I figured he was" Burt began "my son can't give up a chance to show this town up"

"How was the reunion baby?" Carole asked

"Oh it was great" his voice was laced with sarcasm "Running into Santana was fun, we had a really nice conversation with her husband about my virginity."

Burt winced at the common but Finn continued.

"My favorite part however was when I ran into Rachel Berry"

Burt and Carole tensed up, that was a name they had not heard in years. When Rachel had left, Finn became a handful, he was rude and defiant until he took off on his own for New York. Part of Finn had left with Rachel and Carole had found herself powerless to keep Finn on track, it had been a rough time for the family.

"Please tell me she wasn't in the company of my son" Burt said the anger present in this voice.

"Oh he's defiantly the reason she is here"

"He should have said something to you Finn"

"Yeah no shit" Finn began "but we all know Kurt. Anything to get some attention."

"I'm so sorry honey, are you okay" Carole asked softly.

"Yeah I'm fine" Finn didn't want to talk about Rachel "I just want to go home, put my son to sleep and forget about Rachel Berry. For Good!"

He had done it once, moved on from her, he could do it again. He had to, for his sanity, loving Rachel Berry was a hard hat to hold.

* * *

"What happened to you" Kurt asked when she finally opened the door to his incessant knocking.

Rachel had walked back to the hotel in a daze, her mind flooded with memories and emotion she had not felt in over a decade. No matter how bad the situation had been seeing Finn again had awoken something in Rachel that had laid dormant for years.

"I felt like leaving" she said simply

"No shit" Kurt said "your disappearing act proved that."

"I ran into Finn" she said evenly

"WHAT? Where?"

"On my way home, I decided to stroll the old neighborhood and all the sudden there he was and then, poof, he was gone just as quickly. It was really nice" she said sarcastically.

"Oh Rach, how awkward" Kurt responded sitting next to her.

"He didn't know I was here Kurt, it was like an ambush on both of us"

"I haven't had the chance to speak to him yet. I was going to do it at the reunion"

"Bullshit Kurt, you knew he was still in town. You could have warned me" Rachel cried out her range of emotions coming out as anger towards Kurt, as well deserved as it was.

"Must you be so dramatic all the time? So you ran into Finn, so what? Your leaving in the morning" Kurt was exacerbated at Rachel's outburst.

"It's a HUGE deal Kurt" she was yelling now "I never said goodbye when I left. I just left"

She revealed the ugly truth to someone for the first time ever. She was ashamed, what had she been thinking?

"You didn't tell Finn you were leaving?"

Kurt was shocked, Finn had never mentioned that to him.

"No, I was young and stupid. We fought about the future and I ran away"

"Oh Rach" Kurt had nothing left to say. He had his own tragic romance but at least he and Blaine had gone out with an explosion.

"I think I should go see my Dad's for a while" she said after what felt like an hour of silence between them.

"Your giving up New York"

"No giving it up, just taking a breather. I've lost who Rachel Berry was and where better to find her than here? I've fucked up my life Kurt" she said barely above a whisper.

* * *

Rachel's Dads house was quiet and dark. It would be her luck that her Dads were out of town, of course, what could she say, they still thought she was in London. She made her way over to the mantle, framed memories of her past gracing the dark wood. She lifted one and 8 year old Rachel was beaming back at her, stage make-up and pink tutu in all their glory. She placed it back in it's place, running her finger along the edge of the mantle as she slowly walked it's length. Various stages of her life caught forever in time. Her first Christmas, A couple stage pictures from various years of the Lima Summer Theater League and she and her Dads in NYC for her first Broadway play. As she moved down the mantle the images of her got older. Her first day of high school, red plaid and knee socks. A couple of Glee Club photos from Junior and Senior years, her high school graduation picture. She stopped at the final shot, Senior Prom, her smile was large and genuine, Finn's arms around her waist, that lazy lopsided grin on his face. Emotion welled up in her. She had loved him so much the emotion scared her. She was crying, tears streaming down her cheeks. She felt the picture slip from her fingers, the glass cracking as she fell to her knees holding herself tightly around the waist.

What the hell was she doing? Memory Lane closed a long time ago.

* * *

Finn loved Sunday afternoons. He and Jackson would lounge around in there pajamas, watching cartoons and playing "Parking Lot". Finn didn't know what was so great about making a parking lot from Matchbox cars but the kid loved it. It was that innocence of childhood that Finn found so fascinating. Finn was happy to put Friday night out of his thoughts and just spend time with his little boy before the craziness of the week began. Finn was stretched out on his couch, his sleeping son laying on his chest. The pouring rain outside made the room dark and slumber like. The voices of the characters on Monsters Inc carried on in the background . Normally Finn went to breakfast on Sunday mornings at his Moms but when Burt had gotten a hold of Kurt and guilted him into coming to the house Finn opted out. He was still pissed at Kurt for not alerting him that Rachel was in town. He and Kurt were fairly close, they didn't see each other much but they spoke on a regular basis. Finn was deep in thought when he heard a knock on the front door.

"It's open" he said as Jack stirred.

"Where were you at breakfast bitch?" Kurt made an appearance as usual.

"Watch your mouth" Finn hissed.

He had not been expecting Kurt to come barreling through his door and he was ticked off. Clearly he missed breakfast for a reason. Everyone knew that Finn and Jackson Hudson could eat. Nate stood in the doorway and waved a hello to Finn. Nate and Finn got along really well which was unusual for one of Kurt's boyfriends. Most of the found Finn to be oafish and dumb while he found them to be Primadonnas. Blaine had been an exception and now Nate was as well. Though they never spent any actual time together they did play some pretty epic X-Box Live together. It made Finn wonder if someday he would be able to find another good one in the sea of stupid mistakes he had made since Rachel.

"Finn. Hello? Earth to Finn" Kurt's voice rang out.

"What do you want Kurt" he asked sitting up and moving Jackson to the side.

Jackson stirred again but did not wake. Finn turned his attention from his son to his step brother awaiting an answer.

"Look, I'm sorry about the Rachel thing"

"The Rachel Thing? It was more like a disaster" Finn said bitterly

"Yeah I heard" Kurt said without thinking.

"Of course you did. What the heck were you thinking?"

"I didn't think your paths would cross"

"Really? At our reunion?" Finn's voice was laced with sarcasm.

"You haven't been much of a joiner since you moved back to Lima" Kurt sat in the large chair that had been Finns fathers.

"Whatever Kurt" Finn was frustrated.

"He meant well Finn" Nate finally spoke "He was hoping that if you and Rachel ran into each other on your own devices that he could spark a decades old love connection"

Kurt flushed, Nate smiled and Finn fumed.

"What?" he shouted waking his sleeping son.

Jackson sat up rubbing his eyes as he looked around the room.

"Uncle Kurt" the little boy smiled and threw himself across the room to Kurt's seated form. Kurt took the child into his arms in a tight hug. Kurt had doled on Jack since his birth buying him incisive amounts of toys and clothing at every holiday.

"Kurt" Finn said seriously once Jack had dragged Nate down the hall to see his room.

"You never told me she left without saying anything"

"Yeah" Finn began "it was embarrassing and I was devastated. I loved the shit out of that girl."

"Finn I honestly thought if you saw each other it would open a line of communication. I know you still have feelings for her"

"She made my decision for me a long time ago Kurt"

"Finn were not 18 anymore" Kurt began.

"Exact" Finn stated "I have other things to worry about now. I have a job, I'm a father."

"This is not about Jack. This is about you"

"Everything I do is about Jack. Every choice, every decision I make, I make knowing it will impact him. I don't think or feel solely for me anymore. So yes this is about Jack"

"Finn, I just think you guys should talk" Kurt said evenly.

"Can we just drop this?"

"Finn"

"Kurt. SHE. TOOK. OFF. She never looked back. I'm happy she is doing well but she is my past and that is where she needs to stay"

"You need closure" Kurt said concerned for his brother.

"I have it. A whole decades worth" Finn sighed.

* * *

Rachel was sipping slowly from the coffee mug she held in her hands. It had been two weeks since she made the decision to stay in Lima. Two weeks of being faced with memories of her youth around every corner. Kurt thought she was nuts for staying in Lima but Rachel had no reason to return to New York, at least here she had her Dads. And her own space, albeit it looked exactly the same as she left it which hadn't changed much from when she was 16. Rachel Berry was 27 years old, living with her dads in a 16 year old girls bedroom. How ironic how things had turned out. The 16 year old version of herself would be pissed. She found herself oddly nostalgic for who she had been all those years ago. She might have been a loud, selfish, overly dramatic drama queen but at least she had dreams, at least she didn't give up so easily back then, well mostly, she had given up on her relationship with Finn. Straw number 1 in the pile that would later break the camels back. Rachel was so deep in though she hadn't even heard her father come into the kitchen.

"Penny for your thoughts" he exclaimed.

She looked up and smiled at him. His eyes looked concerned behind his glasses.

"Morning Daddy" she smiled pushing away her memories.

"Are you okay Rachel, you've seemed so down lately" he finally breached the subject.

Her Dads had pretty much tiptoed around her since she showed up at their door that Sunday morning. They had been shocked to come home and find her in laying on the couch, tear streaked face and all, clutching a picture to her chest. They had thought she was still in London and as surprised as they were to see her back they never pushed her to talk. She wasn't a kid anymore and they were not going to coax it out of her with promises to make it better. Life could be a bitch and they had to let her deal with her problems, they knew should would come around when the time was right. So they gave her space but she knew they were also keeping and eye on her. Her dads concern sent a wave of love over her.

"I'm okay" she sipped her tea

"Rachel" he said evenly

"I saw Finn" the words just spilled form her lips and it felt so good

Her Dad froze and watched her. She knew they did not agree with how she had dealt with Finn when she left but they also knew how much she truly loved him.

"And" her dad continued.

"I miss him" she began "I miss who I was when I was with him."

"Oh sweetheart. That was so long ago and you were so young. I'm sure he would understand"

"No Daddy, we spoke, I doubt he will ever forgive me"

"Never say never my dear"

"I don't and to talk about Finn" she said evenly.

They welcomed the careful silence for a while before he finally spoke again.

"Rach, baby, what happened in London" he finally pressed

"Nothing" she lied "I was just ready to come home"

He looked at her, she knew that he knew she was lying but he didn't press the subject, instead he changed it.

"So what's your plan?" he sat bringing his own mug to his lips.

"I have no idea" she sighed " I should have listened to you and Dad. I should have gone to college"

"It's never to late"

"I'm 27 years old Daddy" she exclaimed.

"Oh no, you are ancient. Your right you could never go to college now"

Rachel chuckled, her dads had learned to deal with her drama over the years.

"I have no idea what I would do" she spoke more to herself than to him.

"What about teaching. You really liked that Mr. Schue from HS"

Rachel thought for a moment, she had always respected what Mr. Schue had done with them but she could not see herself teaching, back at McKinley, trying to make a bunch of teenagers care about what ever it was she was trying to teach them. Rachel did not have the patience for that.

"I don't think its for me" she said honestly.

"That's fine but I still think you should go over to Western Community and talk to a counselor about the fall semester"

"Ok" she stood to put her cup in the sink

"Oh and Rachel, you should go today"

And that's when it hit her, even her dads were pushing her back out in to the world, nobody was going to coddle her!

* * *

A/N 2: What do you guys think?


	5. Chapter 5

September 2022

Rachel sat in the large lecture room getting ready to take her first college class. She had chosen a seat in the back of the room, the professor's podium looked like a speck far below her. In classic Rachel Berry fashion she had been extra early for the class, it was time for 16 year old Rachel Berry to remake an appearance, at a more toned down level or course. School had always been something that Rachel took very seriously, she never missed classes, she always did her homework and studied religiously for tests and exams. Rachel had been worried that she would have no idea on where to go from here but it had only taken one meeting with the career counselor at Western Community College for Rachel to realize what she wanted to do with her life. That was the easy part, now she actually had to do it. Rachel watched as the students streamed into the room, she could feel nerves bubbling in her belly. She didn't know why she was so nervous about this, school was never an issue for her. But Rachel knew she was a good 10 years older than most of the students here and she had been out of school for so long she was a bit rusty. The idea of having to immerse herself in reading, tests, projects and papers both thrilled and terrified her. Rachel had been so lost in her own thoughts she hadn't even noticed the girl seated beside her. The young women was staring at her and Rachel realized she had been subconsciously clicking her pen.

"Sorry" she apologized to the young lady

"Nervous?" the girl chuckled

"A little, it's been a while since I've done the school thing" Rachel felt she could be honest with the stranger.

If there was one thing Rachel had achieved with maturity it was the ability to socialize better. She had actually made some good friends when living in London and she kept in touch with most of them through texting, emails and of course Facebook.

"You'll do fine. Professor Jeuliski is actually really good and he's not a super hard grader."

"Good" Rachel didn't really feel much better though.

"I'm Cara" the girl smiled.

Rachel looked at her and realized she was classically pretty. Blond with blue eyes and a thin tall frame. She reminded her a lot of Quinn and wondered what type of life this girl had led in high school.

"Rachel" she responded.

The class had flew by despite the fact that it was 3 hours long and was one of those typical first class' with a lot of talk about syllabus', expectations and what exactly the class consisted of. Rachel was glad she had chosen a lot of evening classes because there was more older students in the mix. Rachel was diligent, taking notes and writing down important dates in her planner. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it write. She wasn't getting any younger and had no time for mistakes now that she was restarting her career.

"So Rachel, are you up for a drink?" Cara asked putting her books into her bag

"Well, I don't usually drink much" Rachel was packing up her own goods.

Cara laughed, "I'm not looking to get hammered Rachel. I know this seedy little bar. It has a great ambiance, good tunes playing on the jukebox and the bartender is truly something to be looked at."

"Well that does sound nice" Rachel had no plans, why not go out for a drink? "Sure I'll go with you"

* * *

The summer had flown by in typical Lima fashion for Finn. Soon the residents would be draped in winter which was a dreary time in Lima, Ohio. It was cold, dark and snowy on average. Finn didn't hate winter but it made his commute to Columbus more of a pain and sometimes he would get stranded in the city. Thankfully the University would find him a place to stay but that meant more time away from Jackson. He was lucky his Mom and Burt were always more than happy to take Jackson for as long as he needed them to.

"Daddy" he heard the soft voice below him.

They were waiting for the bus like usual but today was different. Jackson started Kindergarten today.

"Hmm?" Finn questioned.

"Why is Grandma crying?" Jack asked glancing over his shoulder at Carole.

Finn followed with his eyes and had to chuckle, his Mom was so emotional when it came to her 'only grandbaby' growing up. She always said 'only grandbaby' to him with pointed emphasis, as if he had so many options to give her another. In Finn's world it was him and Jackson, they were a team and that was all he needed.

"She's excited for you Jack" Finn squatted down to address his son.

He wondered if he would be tall like him. Gretchen was short, not as short as Rachel. The thought struck him, where the hell had that come from? He had been lucky, he knew Rachel was in Lima but he had neither seen or heard hide or hair of her. She was laying low and that made his life so much easier. Lima was a big enough town but it was still easy to run into people on a fairly regular basis.

After the situation back in May Finn had seriously considered moving to Columbus. When he told Burt and his Mom of his possible plans his mother had broken down. 'Geez Mom it's only an hour away' had been his response but it didn't help. She kept going on about how it was like NY all over again and she wouldn't allow 'Rachel Berry to drive away her only son again'. Burt had then turned around and yelled at Kurt because 'this whole god damned thing is all your god damned fault'. Kurt then in turn called Finn and made sure that Finn knew that 'I'm not taking the blame for your cowardness anymore Finn Hudson. Grow a set would you'. Which lead to Carole yelling at Burt about 'pitting the boys against each other and driving them both away'. Finally Finn decided to stay in Lima, mostly because he honestly needed his Mom and Burt's support and didn't want to hurt her again. Plus he owned them big time for everything they have done for him over the years.

Finn watched as his mom doted on his son and he felt a pang of guilt. Jackson was growing up without a mother the same way he had grown up without a father. In fact it almost seemed like a curse in this family since Kurt had to grown up with a single parent. Would any of them ever have a "normal" family?

"Your all the family he needs Finn. You are an amazing father" Burt had come up behind him.

Finn did not know how Burt always seemed to know what he was thinking, it was creepy sometimes.

"I've been there Finn. I had to raise Kurt on my own, I had to be both his mother and his father. I know what your feeling son but you have to realize how special your relationship is with your son. Gretchen wouldn't step up and face her reality but you did. You took the responsibility of parenthood to a whole new level, you let it become who you were. The new you, Finn Hudson, the father."

Finn smiled at his step-father. Burt had been the only thing close to a Dad he had ever had their relationship had blossomed over the years. Kurt would joke it was because Finn was the son that Burt never had but Finn knew it was more than that. Burt related to Finn because he had been there before. The popular high school athlete who ended up far from his dreams, a single father in Lima Ohio. It was not an easy road. Finn had so much heartbreak in his past that he just wanted to do the best for Jackson, even if that meant sacrificing himself sometimes.

"Thanks Burt" Finn began "For everything".

* * *

The Pit Box was nothing to look at but inside it felt homey and safe. It was dingy, small and a bit stinky, situated on the outskirts of Lima, but it was a hometown bar, filled with local people. It was comfortable, Rachel had heard of this place in her teen years but had never come out here. She and Cara sat at the bar as she scanned the bottles behind it.

"Rachel Fucking Berry, Are you kidding me?" The voice was familiar yet distant with time.

Rachel looked up to see Puck standing behind the bar. Beside her Cara leaned over and whispered in her ear 'Told you he was something to look at'.

"Noah" she gasped

Cara looked between the two, realization setting in.

"Oh crap, you two know each other"

"Did" Puck said

"High School" Rachel managed to force out.

"That was a long time ago" Puck smiled at her

"A lifetime ago"

"Were you, um, an item" Cara asked cautiously.

"Not really" Rachel said

"She was my boys girl, the love of his young life" Puck didn't take his eyes off her.

"That was a long time ago" Rachel responded.

"Yeah, a lifetime ago"

Puck and Rachel just stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Rachel was so taken off guard by Puck's sudden appearance in her life that she didn't even notice Cara leave until she was already gone. Rachel didn't know what to do, it would be rude and immature of her to run out of the bar but that was the only thing she felt like doing. Just running into the night, away from her past. She hadn't seen anyone from the old day's since that night in May. But Rachel had done more than her share of running, she was done running. Instead she took a deep breath, bit back her pride and finally spoke.

"So what does a girl have to do to get a drink around here?"

Puck simply spun around grabbing a glass and pouring before sliding it across the bar to Rachel's waiting hand. She grabbed the glass and downed a big sip the liquid burning her throat causing her to cough.

"Still a lightweight I see Berry" he smirked at her

"Shut up Puckerman" she growled taking another sip.

Rachel didn't know how long she had been in the bar or how much she had drunken but she felt like she had courage running through her veins. Her and Puck had kept the conversation light so far. He had told her about getting into the NFL draft after high school before blowing out his knee. About his dark days when he watched his dreams slip away and Santana take off. She told him about her first major stage show in London and her life as a 'star'. What they didn't talk about was the elephant in the room, one Finn Hudson. But the more Rachel drank the more daring she got about what she told him, it felt good to just talk with someone who wasn't her dads or Kurt.

"Hows Finn?" The words just slipped from her lips and she saw him freeze.

"Rachel" Puck began

"Noah, I know you still see him. How is he?"

"He's good Rach" That was all he was going to give her right now.

"Good" she said slamming the rest of her drink and sliding the glass in his direction.

"I think you've had enough" he said watching her.

"Noah Puckerman, do your fucking job and give me another drink" she snapped at him.

He sighed and poured her another and she eagerly took it sipping healthy.

"What happened after high school Rachel" Puck asked

"I went to London silly" she giggled

"Rachel"

She sighed and for the first time in a decade she let the whole ugly story out.

" When I went to NY over winter break senior year I tried out for a small stage show that was in development. I didn't think I would get the role and I figured if I did it would be a good thing for Finn and I. Months passed with no word and I was embarrassed at not getting a call back so I never said anything. Then the unthinkable happened, I realized at graduation that I was late. I took a test the next morning and It was positive, I was pregnant."

She looked up at Puck who was watching her intensely.

"I was terrified, I could see all my dreams slipping away and got visions of myself stuck in Lima, married with a baby at 17. It terrified me and I ran the gambit of emotions; fear, sadness and anger. I blamed Finn, I blamed myself, I didn't know what to do. Then as the days passed and our baby grew I started to feel better about the situation. Then before I could even find the strength to tell anyone I lost the baby. Losing that baby, carrying that secret all on my own, did something to me."

"Oh Rachel" Puck began "I'm so sorry"

"It's funny how something you really didn't want, you could get so attached to. I cried for days, because I lost Finn's baby, I couldn't even do that right. And I was mad because I spent so much time resenting the pregnancy I didn't realize I already loved that baby. I never told him, he still doesn't know."

Tears were streaming down her face now, years of pent up emotion spilled out. She grieved for the baby she and Finn had made, she cried for her baby that never got a chance to live. They could have been a family! She took a deep breath as Puck poured her another drink.

"Then I got the call in July from the director of the show. He offered me a role but informed me that they were doing first run in London. I didn't even think, I just accepted the role. I didn't know how to tell Finn though so I waited, and waited. The night before we were supposed to leave for New York Finn took me out. He was so excited, talking about our future in the city and going to NYU. I was torn because I knew I was leaving but still hadn't told him. Then he did it….."

"Did what Rach?"

"He asked me to marry him."

She heard him intake a breath and it occurred to her that Finn had never told him any of this, his best friend, he held it all in all these years.

"What?"

"He asked me to marry him"

"No shit" Puck wasn't the most eloquent person but that summed it up pretty well.

"It was the most beautiful thing ever. A picnic in the park at dusk, it was sort of our thing. He got down on one knee and told me how much he loved me and couldn't live without me. He said I was everything he ever needed in life and he wanted the world to know it. Then he asked me to be his wife and held out the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. I couldn't tell him I was leaving then, I couldn't say anything. I just stared at him and cried before I finally told him I needed time, he looked devastated. But I couldn't marry him, not when I had lost his baby, not when I had lied to him…." she trailed off.

Rachel could barely see Puck through the tears that were making tracks down her cheeks. Her heart was breaking all over again, she had done everything wrong in her life, she had given up her one true love because she was afraid and stubborn. She though marrying Finn would be the end of her dreams but she realized now that it would have just been the beginning.

"I broke his heart Puck and I don't expect him to ever forgive me. But I want the chance to tell him I'm sorry, I want to let him know that no matter how it seemed I have never stopped loving him. Not for one minute, not after all these years. He was my first and only love and that never changed. I just want to tell him I'm sorry…."

"Rachel, you have to let it go at some point. Holding this in, it isn't healthy"

"I can't let it go"

"Why"

"I never said goodbye Noah, I just left the next morning. My dad's had to tell him when he finally showed up at our door. I never spoke to him again. I never told him anything. I ran away"

"I don't even know what to say right now" Puck said honestly.

"I'm a horrible person, I deserve all the heartbreak I've inflicted on myself. But Finn….. He never deserved any of this, he was nothing but wonderful. He loved me despite all my faults, he saw beyond everything and just love me for me. He deserved so much better"


	6. Chapter 6

Rachel woke from a fitful sleep in a state of blurred confusion. Her head was pounding and she had that familiar feeling of nausea that she always got when she drank to much. It had been years since she drank as much as she had last night and was paying for it now. In her early days in London she had tried to hold back her memories with alcohol but she found in the morning she just felt shitty both emotionally and physically. Her eyes fluttered open to the shuttered light of the room and that was when it sank in, that feeling of being in a strange place was accurate. She was not in her room, this was not her bed. She bolted upright to a sitting position, her head pounding in retaliation, her stomach flipping, a scream escaping her lips. She pulled to covers back to find herself fully clothed in the outfit she had worn the night before but that didn't do much to calm her nerves. What had she done, and with who? She grabbed the garbage can and forcefully threw up into it. She remembered most of the night, of going to the bar with Cara and the shock of seeing Puck behind the counter. She could remember in detail the conversations they had, about him and herself. She remembered telling him about what happened the summer after they graduated and then things got blurry as she continued to assault the memories with the temporary relief of alcohol. While she was racking her brain, digging deep for any recognition about where she was or how she got here the bedroom door flew open. Puck stood in the doorway in khaki pants and a white wife beater looking at her as she wiped her mouth on the sheet putting the garbage can back on the floor.

"Shit Rachel, are you okay?"

"No I'm not okay! What the hell happened Noah?"

Puck sighed "Nothing happened between us last night Rachel if that's what your worried about."

Rachel was still clutching the blankets to her chest as if she had something to hide, maybe she did, her heart. She had been uninhibited last night and spilled out memories that she had been keeping inside for 10 years. She had been raw and truthful with someone for the first time in her life and Puck had been great. He had listened and didn't offer an opinion but now she had to wonder what he really felt. She had done awful things with people's emotions and Finn was his friend.

"You were so drunk that I just brought you here, I could not show up at your Dads door at 2 am with their inebriated daughter. I know what people in this town think of me, and while the majority of it is justified, I can use as little attention as possible. I slept on the couch, just so you know, we have to much history for any monkey business"

"Thank you Noah" she said letting the blanket fall onto her lap.

"Here" he tossed her a bottle of Advil "Stay here for as long as you need"

"Where are you going" she asked sounding a bit desperate

"Work"

"Your going back to the bar already?"

He laughed at her shocked expression "Nah, I am the assistant Football Coach at McKinley. You know what they say, those who can: do and those who can't: teach"

Rachel saw the look of distress in his eyes. They had all had dreams that encompassed who they were and they had to fight to achieve them. It was then she realized she and Puck were not all that different.

"Noah, you were a great football player"

"And now Im not" he said with a sigh "Oh and Rachel, I really am sorry about what happened, with the baby in all"

"Thanks Noah"

He turned back again as if he had just remembered something.

"Just so you know, and I know it's not my business, but I think this story is something Finn needs to hear".

Rachel nodded because she knew Puck was right, this was something Finn should have known about since the beginning. If there was one thing adult Rachel Berry had become it wasn't a coward.

* * *

"Shit" Finn cursed as he pulled out his driveway.

It was a good thing that he didn't have to work until this afternoon because his day had been off since the moment he rolled out of bed an hour late. Which led to him tripping over Jackson's truck in the hallway, burning the toast, cutting himself on a knife and having to change Jackson's cloths after he spilled milk on himself. All that before 8 am, then there was the speeding ticket he got trying to get Jack to school on time and now he realized he left his Blackberry at Puck's yesterday afternoon. He always made sure he turned the thing off when he wasn't working to separate his work time from his personal time. That was why he even bothered carrying two separate phones. He grabbed his I-Phone and tried to reach Puck but was unable to which was no shock to Finn, he knew he was working. He pulled a u-turn and headed away from the highway and back towards town and Puck's apartment.

* * *

Rachel heard the lock click in the living room and rose from the bed. She had been just laying there, feeling like complete shit. She knew she needed to go home, shower and do some homework but she just couldn't will herself to move, so she laid here. Puck had told her she could stay as long as she wanted and his place was quiet and lonely. At home she knew her Dads would be lurking around her, asking if she was okay and chastising her for getting drunk.

"Did you forget something" Rachel shuffled into the living room and stopped dead in her tracks.

Standing in the foyer Finn looked equally as shocked to see her standing there. She couldn't help but feel that familiar sense of longing as she looked at him, his hair thick and messy, his body lean and muscular as always. The room was dead silent. Rachel was pretty sure she could hear her heart pounding in her chest, or maybe it was his. Then it hit her, what this looked like. Here she was on a Tuesday morning, hair a mess, clothing rumpled in Puck's apartment. The fear of what Finn would make of this was overwhelming and she felt like she had been hit in the chest. She gasped for air before speaking.

"Finn, this isn't what it looks like"

"I just need my Blackberry" he said brushing past her and towards the bookcase in the corner that held more video games than books.

He grabbed the phone and shoved it in his pocket wanting to get away from here as quickly as possible. As he moved past her again she grabbed his wrist stilling him in mid stride.

"Rachel, I need to go" he said refusing to look at her, the feeling of her nails digging into wrist making his heart race. It wasn't a lie either, though he technically didn't have any broadcasts today he had stuff he should be doing at work.

"No"

"No?" he scoffed at her

"No, you need to listen" she said evenly.

"Rachel, I'm not doing this. I told you in May that I need to just move on. Can you just please respect that decision" he still refused to look her direction.

And then she snapped, maybe it was because her head was pounding so hard, maybe it was because her heart ached or maybe it was because she had a revelation last night in the haze of alcohol that her inebriated state had made clear to her. Rachel was stubborn and guarded but when she let herself go it allowed her to realize things she had been trying to push down. This was not healthy, for either of them, they had to speak even if just for closure, she couldn't live with these secrets anymore, it was killing her.

"GOD DAMN IT FINN. WOULD YOU JUST STOP BEING SO FUCKING STUBBORN AND LISTEN TO ME"

Finn spun around at her outburst.

"Listen to you? LISTEN TO YOU? Why should I Rachel, you never wanted to explain before. Last time I checked it had been 10 years since you had the last word"

"So let me explain" she said her voice hard.

"What is even going on here? You want me to listen? Well I don't want to listen because I don't want to hear it. Like I said you don't get to just walk back into my life. That's not the way things work." He began "Look whatever you and Puck are doing, whatever closure you are looking for, has nothing to do with me"

He was pissed. How many times in his life would he have to find Rachel running into Puck's arms for one reason or another. It had taken years for him and Finn to rebuild this relationship and he had to wonder what Puck's position in all of this was. He had not mentioned anything about Rachel in months.

"Me and Puck? Is that what you think this is about?"

"Isn't it?"

"No"

Finn looked around signaling to their location and then Rachel remembered what this looked like.

"You always have to go to him don't you Rachel. Can't you find someone who is not my friend?"

"There is nothing going on between me and Puck" she replied

"Right Rachel" Finn started to move and realized she still was holding his wrist "Can I go now?"

"Finn. There. Is. Nothing. Going. On. Between. Noah. And. I." she began catching his gaze "I went to the bar last night with a girl from class, I had to much to drink, he brought me back here because he was afraid of my Dads"

"Well isn't that romantic" Finn's voice was hard again.

"Not at all because there was nothing there."

"Sex is Sex" he scoffed

"That is not what I meant"

"Rachel, I really don't care who your with or what your doing with them" he lied to her. He did care, despite the fact that he shouldn't, he did.

"I did not now and have never slept with Noah Puckerman" she confessed raising her other hand as if taking an oath.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because we need to talk, you want closure right, let me try and give you some"

"To much to late Rachel"

"It's never to late Finn" she said dropping his arm.

"Really then tell me, right now, tell me why you wouldn't marry me?"

"What?"

"Come on Rach, you want to talk. Why wouldn't you Marry Me?"

"Because you deserved better" she said she could feel the tears coming.

"Bullshit Rachel, who gave you the right to make that decision for me?"

"Nobody, but I thought I was doing the right thing."

"You always did think you made all the decisions, about everythign"

"This wasn't a control thing" she responded

"No? Then tell me what is was"

"I couldn't marry you because I had been lying to you Finn."

"About London?" he asked

"And more" the tears were sliding down her face, he looked down at her perplexed.

"More?"

"I couldn't marry you because I…."

"Because you?"

"Because I….." she was crying hysterically now.

"What Rachel, what? What was so bad that you couldn't marry the so called 'love of your life'" He was yelling now.

"What kind of wife would I be if I couldn't even keep our baby alive" the words just tumbled from her mouth.

This was not how she wanted to tell him, standing here crying in Puck's doorway. But once they started arguing about it she could not stop herself.

"Baby? What Baby"

* * *

An hour later they were sitting across from each other in Puck's dingy living room. Rachel had found it easy to tell him everything once she opened up to him. The words spilled from her mouth like verbal soup. She told him about finding out she was pregnant. About the fear and shame that was associated with it. The fear of them getting trapped in Lima, working dead end jobs, married with a kid at 17. The shame she would have put on her Dads, the disappointment they would have felt for her. Followed then by the growing love of the baby. The way her world changed when she saw that first ultrasound and heard the little beating heart. She told him of her plans to surprise him with the news. She told him about the crippling devastation of losing the baby before she had even told him about it. She explained how she felt so awful about lying to him that she could not bring herself to tell him. How do you tell a man that he was going to be a father and wasn't in the same breath. She spoke of the jubilation of getting the role, the heartbreak of turning down his proposal and the cowardness of running away. And he sat and listened through it all, his face void of emotion as if he were wearing a mask to hide his features. He listened, taking in each word and processing it the best he could. He asked questions and she made sure she answered all of them truthfully. No more hiding, no more running away, just stark honesty as hard as it was, because she owed it to him. Then when she finally fell silent she watched as it all sank in, as a range of emotions traveled across his expressive face. If there was one thing Finn had always been able to do, it was express himself through facial emotions alone. He didn't need to say anything, he was like an open book.

"You should have told me about the baby Rachel"

"I know"

"I need some time" he stood

She nodded in agreement though her heart was breaking a little. What had she expected, that he would run back into her arms and hug her as she cried for everything she had ruined. She had just dropped a life altering bomb on him, what did she think was going to happen?

* * *

Finn sat in his car in the parking lot of Puck's building trying to process everything she had just told him. They had made a baby, the two of them had created a life he had never known had existed. As a father that realization struck him especially hard because he knew the joy of having a child. The unconditional love that bond creates, the ability to watch a life you created grow. He also realized the heavy burden a very young Rachel Berry had carried around with her. While he did not forgive her for her actions he understood and he felt some of the anger rooted deep within him fade. She had been scared, ashamed and disappointed in herself. She was afraid for their futures and for their ability to raise a child. Then just when she began to get attached, when she stepped back and allowed herself to accept her new fate the cruel world had taken it away from her. She suffered through a miscarriage alone and carried the permanent burden of knowing a life that no else knew existed, she carried the only knowledge of it's existence. But she should have told him! He had a right to know and he would have done his best to do right for her. Finn's head fell against the head rest and he let himself cry for the baby he never knew he had lost, for the possibilities and opportunity that one life could have brought to the world. He realized now that Rachel's running had not been out of lack of love for him but instead out of fear and disappointment. London wasn't an opportunity to be better than him, be better than Lima like New York had been. London had been an escape from everything she feared. Rachel Berry had one goal in mind her entire life and right before she was set to achieve it she almost lost it. The fear was what drove her actions, not logical thinking but pure emotions. Then it struck him, the scariest part of all of this, something he didn't even think was possible.

He realized now a part of him loved Rachel Berry even more!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thank You for all the lovely reviews. You guys inspire me to write even more! Lyric from the song I used are part of Photograph by Nickleback!

* * *

To say that Finn was confused about his feelings .would be the understatement of the decade. On one side Rachel's betrayal didn't hurt any less and didn't make him any less angry for what she did to him, to them 10 years ago. They had an epic romance and she trampled all over it with steel toe boots. His heart never fully mended but can you really fix something that has been shattered. That part of him wanted to hate her, wanted to tell her where to stick it in the least eloquent way possible. On the other hand he could understand her reasoning why, maybe it was simply because he understood Rachel. Even after all this time he knew exactly who she was, or who she had been. Finn noticed a marked difference in Rachel's behavior even in the short time they had spent together. She wasn't as bossy or sure footed. It was almost as if somebody had put her flame out a little. And they had been young, so freaking young, dealing with very adult feelings and emotions and for that he couldn't find it in himself to blame her, at least not fully for her actions. She was his girlfriend and he hadn't even noticed she was pregnant. Sure she had not been pregnant for long but he didn't notice all the same. Finn sat in his car in Puck's parking lot for what felt like an eternity, what was he to do now?

* * *

Relief. Pure and simple relief! That encompassed Rachel's exact feelings at that moment. Sure there was sharp, undying pain buried deep within her but more than anything it was relief. She had finally told him everything that happened that summer, in stark, gritty detail. She didn't leave out a feeling or emotion, she told him everything, something she should have done 10 years ago. She felt like an old weight was lifted off her chest, as if she could breath again fully for the first time because she was no longer carrying this burden alone. She had no idea what would happen from here, no idea if he would ever want to speak to her again. But he knew now and that was what was important. He knew that she had not left out of a lack of love for him, she left because maybe, in the haze of her youth, she felt she had to much love for him. That loving him would put a damper on everything she had been living for her entire life. But Rachel couldn't change the past and the actions she took back then, she could only pave a new path in her future and she was more than ready to put her life back together again, step one is defiantly righting old wrongs. But deep down in the core of her being lied the part of her that still loved Finn completely and totally like that young women she once was. Heartbreak and relief pretty much summed up Rachel's emotional state.

* * *

Finn had always been close with his Mom. Maybe it was because it was just the two of them for the majority of his life, she was both his mother and his father, no easy task. He had always had an open relationship with his mom, sure he hid things like all teenagers did. Like sneaking Rachel into the house after she had gone to bed, but what teenager doesn't. But as he grew into adulthood his mother had become more than just his parent, she was his friend and confidant. They were sitting on the couch in her and Burt's living room. A look of concern on her face as he told her about the situation that had gone down at Puck's earlier in the day. When Finn had finally got his emotions in check enough to actually leave that parking lot he had driven right to his mothers. She had given him the largest hug in the world before making him some comfort food. She didn't push him for details, she was just there for him in that quiet comforting way that only a mother can be. Finally after a short time Finn rummaged up the courage to tell her the events of the afternoon. The shock of finding Rachel in Puck's apartment. The anger at the assumed relationship he had discovered and the relief when she assured him that Puck was nothing more than a friend, that he had never been anything more than a friend. But most importantly he shared with her the ugly truth that Rachel had bestowed upon him. Carole listened to his story, putting a comforting hand on his arm but saying nothing until he had finished.

"Oh baby" she finally spoke.

Finn looked up at her with tears in his eyes. The emotion of the story finally hitting him, Rachel had been pregnant with his baby, the love of his life! He remained silent, lost in his own thoughts.

"Finn, there is nothing I can say to you to make this any easier and I can only imagine the range of emotions you are feeling" she began " but you have to admit that what Rachel did today was admirable. She could have never told you the truth of that summer, she could have vanished back into the ghost she has been to you for so long"

"I almost feel I would be better off not knowing"

"Why" his mom questioned.

"Because I have no control over my emotions. I don't know what to think or feel. I'm angry, heartbroken, enlightened"

"All natural emotions Finn. What you must do now is figure out how to process these emotions and find out where you want to go from here"

Finn looked at his mother "How do you mean."

"Finn I know how you feel about Rachel. I have never seen you as happy with anyone, besides Jackson, in your entire adult life. Nobody can deny how much like Rachel Gretchen was, not necessarily in looks, but in presence. She was like Rachel Berry light. Your love for each other was broad beyond your years. You were teenagers but loved each other so wholly that it consumed you both. Any relationship you've had since Rachel cannot live up to the one you had with her. You were friends first, she was your best friend even and from that blossomed this intense and startlingly adult relationship. But still at the end of the day, you were teenagers, who made teenage mistakes."

Finn just nodded at his mom.

"When she left I thought a part of you would never recover, maybe it never did, but that was because you had no answers to your plethora of questions. You didn't get to scream, yell and tell each other you hated each other. Your relationship didn't fizzle out or dissolve into nothingness, it just ended, abruptly and completely. Now you have your answers Finn. Now you have to decided what the future holds for you and Rachel"

"That's the hard part"

"Of course it is my son, because this was the women you expected to spend your life with. But that didn't work out, we don't always get the cards we think we were dealt. But how important to your life is her friendship now, you have been given a second chance, are you willing to put aside the anger and hurt for that second chance?"

* * *

Finn took a deep breath before he knocked on the door. The house seemed warm, inviting and familiar. As it should, he had spent a lot of time in these walls. The door opened slowly to reveal Leroy Berry staring back at him as if he had seen a ghost. The man looked older, starting to grey around his temples but still lean and healthy.

"Finn Hudson, if this isn't a blast from the past"

"Hello Mr. Berry" he said reverting back to his 16 year old self.

"Leroy" he said with a smile "What can I do for you Finn?"

"I was wondering if Rachel was available" he said a knot in the pit of his stomach.

Part of him hoped that Leroy would say she was not here, that she was out, that she didn't want to see him, that she had gone back to NY or something. Though a small part, it was the dominate one right now.

"Yeah she's in her room" he stepped aside allowing Finn into the foyer "You remember where it is I'm sure."

Leroy smirked at him and Finn had to smile back. He and Rachel had gotten in trouble on more than one occasion when one of her father's interrupted them during sexy times, as they liked to call them. He remember the time fondly that Hiram had gone as far as to take her door off the hinges. Boy had she been mad and Rachel Berry mad was a scary thing. Finn walked slowly up the stairs looking at the pictures adorning the wall. He had seen them thousands of time but it was as if he was seeing them for the first time. As if this women he was going to see was some stranger. He paused at the pictures taking time to really look at them, as Rachel Berry grew up in front of his eyes. From a cute innocent child to the sassy teenager to the vibrant adult she had become. At the top of the stairs were pictures unfamiliar to him. Rachel in a stage show in London, her holding a bouquet of roses and a big trophy. Rachel and her dad's near the Eiffel Tower in Paris and again at Buckingham Palace. There were some shots of Rachel, her hair cut short, in some snowy destination. From the foot of the stairs Leroy looked up at him, watching him take in the sights of the Rachel Finn had never been able to meet. Finn finished her peruse through Rachel's recent past and continued down the familiar hallway, past her dads room and bathroom. He took a deep breath and put a shaky hand on the knob before turning it to enter.

Rachel sat on her bed, her back to him, books spread out on her bed. On her head were headphones and he could hear the angelic tone of her voice as she sung along in tune. As he walked a little closer he noticed they were photo albums from there teenage years. He could hear her voice louder as he approached her and he kinda felt like a creeper.

_Look at this photograph_

_Every time I do it makes me laugh_

_How did our eyes get so red?_

_And what the hell is on Joey's head?_

_And this is where I grew up_

_I think the present owner fixed it up_

_I never knew we'd ever went without_

_The second floor is hard for sneaking out_

"Rachel" Finn spoke but she didn't hear him, she continued to sing, her voice getting more determined as she flipped the pages, looking at her memories through tear filled eyes.

_Remember the old arcade?_

_Blew every dollar that we ever made_

_The cops hated us hanging out_

_They said somebody went and burned it down_

_We used to listen to the radio_

_And sing along with every song we know_

_We said someday we'd find out how if feels_

_To sing to more than just the steering wheel_

_Kim's the first girl I kissed_

_I was so nervous that I nearly missed_

_She's had a couple of kids since then_

_I haven't seen her since God knows when_

Finn smiled at the second verse, it was so them. Singing at the top of their lungs in his old beater talking about the days when they would take over Broadway together. He knew he should stop her, alert her to his presence but he had missed hearing her sing. There was no better time to witness the true god given talent Rachel had, then when she didn't know she had an audience. There was something so real to her voice when she thought she was alone, when she was singing for herself. He used to love to sneak into the bathroom and listen to her sing in the shower whenever they got the chance to play house. Which was a lot more than anyone knew senior year, her Dads traveled a lot and he had become quite good at fooling his mom when he needed to.

_Oh oh oh_

_Oh God I_

_Every memory of looking out the back door_

_I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor_

_It's hard to say it, time to say it_

_Goodbye, goodbye_

_Every memory of walking out the front door_

_I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for_

_It's hard to say it, time to say it_

_Goodbye, goodbye_

_I miss that town_

_I miss their faces_

_You can't erase_

_You can't replace it_

_I miss it now_

_I can't believe it_

_So hard to stay_

_Too hard to leave it_

_If I could I relive those days_

_I know the one thing that would never change_

The final verses of the song got to Finn, it described them so well, and he wondered if she was connected to the words she sang.

"Rachel… Rachel" he said putting a hand on her shoulder, it was now or never.

She jumped at his touch, almost falling backwards off the bed and spinning quickly to see who was behind her. Her face showed pure shock as she pulled the head phones from her head.

"Finn" she stumbled through his name which was a fete since it was only 4 letters.

"Hi Rach" he said to her softly

"What are you doing here?" she gasped

"Taking the plunge, so to speak" he extended a hand to her "Come on"

"Where are we going?" she asked

"Breadstix" he smiled "A little dinner between friends"

"Right now?" she gasped

"Yeah, Right now. I think we have some things to discuss further"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, come on" he backed up so she could stand.

"I thought you would never speak to me again"

"To be honest Rachel, it would probably be smarter of me to never speak to you again."

"I understand that" she looked up at him

"But I've never really done the smart thing. So let's go get that dinner"

"I have to change"

"This isn't a date Rachel, what your wearing will be fine"

"I don't think so Finn" she flushed red

He watched as she stood and had to bite back a laughter. There was 27 year old Rachel Berry dressed in a white and pink plaid mini skirt, matching knee socks, flats and a black sweater with a poodle on it. It was like looking into some creepy time warp mirror.

"I was feeling nostalgic" she said in defense of herself

"Oh my god, Rachel" he let the laughter slip

"Yeah it's hilarious Finn" she snapped at him storming past him.

But part of him surged in emotion as he watched her recede into her closet. The shirt bouncing against the back of her thighs. 16 year old Rachel had been quirky and sweet in her crazy attire, 27 year old Rachel was kinda smoking. She had an amazing body and Finn had to bite back the need to close the space and kiss her.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Just want to say ahead of time that this chapter isn't great. I had real issues writing it for some reason so I want to apologize to my loyal readers and hope you stick around for the rest of the story.

* * *

Finn and Rachel sat across from one another in a small booth in the back corner of the restaurant. It was ironic since this had been a favorite booth of theirs back in their high school days. It was away from the bar, kitchen and other hustle of the restaurant, of course in those days they used to cuddle into the same side of the booth and do more making out than eating. Rachel smiled up at Finn as she sipped her soda slowly, his eyes noticing the way her red lips curved around the straw. As angry as he had been at Rachel he had to admit he missed her like crazy, in more ways than one. It took Finn quite a bit of determination to push those thoughts out of his head, that wasn't why he was here. Rachel pushed her glass back and smiled up at him. It was nice to be here with him again, she felt a strange but familiar calm wash over her. She had thought it would be weird, after all this time and all the bad blood between them, but it felt natural. As if there was no place in the world she belonged more than tucked in this booth in the dim lighting of a chain restaurant in Lima, Ohio. Dinner had been effortless, they talked easily about the lighter things in their lives, causal dinner conversation among friends. Rachel had always thought she belonged on the stage, in the spotlight and all of her life goals had headed towards that one glorious future. But she had been in that spotlight, she had taken the stage by storm, she had a following, a brilliant career and all the while felt completely alone. Here she was restarting her life and yet she felt as if she finally belonged. She wondered if her life in theater would have been different with Finn by her side but she couldn't change the past. She knew everything she went through only made her stronger, stronger of a performer and most importantly a stronger women. But even the most talented and revered people deserved someone to share their life with. That was something she didn't realize back then.

"What?" Finn asked with a smile as she still stared up at him.

She hadn't realized that she had been staring at him with such intensity and looked away as she responded to his question.

"I just can't believe I'm actually sitting here with you" she began "what made you change your mind?"

Finn shrugged "I guess I'm just tired of being angry"

Rachel nodded in response, Finn had every right to never want to speak to her again but she was happy he was trying to move past that.

"I truly am sorry Finn, you didn't deserve the way I treated you"

"Your right Rachel, I didn't. But I have to accept that you really were not trying to hurt me"

"I just want you to know that I wasn't, I would never intentionally hurt you"

"I know Rachel" he smiled at her.

The mood of the night had become a little heavier, she knew that they could not just keep up their innocent bantering forever, they both had stories to tell.

"What happened in London Rachel?" the words were light but held so much weight.

She had not spoken about London with anyone but she felt that comforting familiarity of being able to be completely honest with him.

She opened up her mouth to speak and the words flew out effortlessly.

"I went to London with the plan to return to the states after a year. I was told that this play was going to be Tony-worthy and would make me a huge star. I figured I could go to London, do my thing and then come back and fix things with you."

"Why not just tell me that?"

"Because you would have come with me" she said honestly sipping from her drink again. Her mouth felt so dry.

"What would have been wrong with that?"

"You worked so hard to get into NYU, to get your grades up and to be willing to give up Football to go to the City. You had to go Finn, I thought you would be better off. I was wrong, I was wrong about a lot?"

"The play?"

"All I had been promised, that clearly was not the case, the play was horrible, worse than horrible maybe, and only had a 6 month run before being canned. I didn't know what to do, I had given up everything for this play. I knew I couldn't just show up in NY and expect to show on Broadway and I couldn't come crawling back to Lima. Not after what happened. I found a job in a little café, waiting tables for practically pennies, living in a tiny flat with 3 obnoxious girls and living off my tips. I auditioned for months and nothing came of it. My dreams were falling apart, if I couldn't make it on a London stage there was no way my name would be in Broadway lights. And if I didn't make it, then it meant I gave up everything for nothing. Then I got offered a staring role in a small stage production. Joshua Randall was a big shot in the London Theater scene and a known ladies man. He had many huge productions under his belt, had successfully written plays that showed on Broadway and had discovered many big Tony winning actors. I found out later this was his favorite way to discover new talent was these low key shows. He wouldn't reveal himself until the end of the run and only if the show was successful. The show was a huge hit, it started off as a sleeper and ran way beyond it's expected run. After that it was a whirlwind, soon I was landing lead roles in the largest plays in London, I was a star like I always wanted and I was Randall's golden girl which made me golden in the community."

Finn just looked at her with compassion in his eyes urging her to continue. Despite everything he was proud of her, happy that she had been able to achieve the only goal she had ever had. He wanted to hate on her success when he so clearly had had none of his own, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Rachel had natural, god given talent, she deserved to show it to the world.

"I was so gracious for everything Joshua had done for me and finally agreed to go on a date with him after he chased me for a year. It had been so insane when he first started asking me to dinners and events. He would buy me flowers and tell me how beautiful I was. I was lonely, I liked the attention, I missed you. He was much older than me, in his mid 40s, but I was blinded by his power and his perseverance in my career. I never loved him, not for a moment but I was happy with him. Or maybe I was happy with what he was able to do for me. He was no Finn Hudson but for 5 years we were the power couple. He whisked me around the world, bought my expensive things, put me in starring roles in his shows, convinced other directors to put in their shows, not that it took much convincing. After a year I had moved into his large home and was playing wife, I thought I had finally moved on from you."

"Sounds like it was horrible" Finn said. He knew his tone was harsh but hearing about Rachel being so happy with this big shot made him seethe with jealously. He wasn't sure where it had come from, he was married after all, he had no right to judge her. But maybe it was because she had been happy where he had just been trying to compensate.

"Believe me Finn, it became horrible"

"How do you mean?"

"I thought I had moved on but I never did, I was fooling myself of course because every night when my mind was at it's most basic state, I dreamed of you. I was fake happy, cynical and snotty. After 5 years together, at the ripe age of 25, I started to notice that he wasn't around as much. He always had an excuse; business trips, work meetings, play crisis's. And I let it go, I played the perfect little wife without the title. But it hurt to see him in the paper, at parties and events, that I was not even told about. I would try to talk to him about it but he always told me I was being dumb, immature and possessive. People began to talk about me, people I thought were my friends. Then he started giving away my roles, first it was minor, he wouldn't suggest me to other directors, claiming he didn't want to just give away his star. Then he started putting me in supporting roles, saying he had to give other actors the chance he gave me, then chorus roles and then none at all. Finally I confronted him and he told me I had my time and it was time for someone else, as if I was washed up at actually offered me to play his new hot things' mother, MOTHER Finn. And still like all stupid girls, I stayed with him even though he would bring these beautiful young girls home all time. I became his glorified maid. But I couldn't leave, where would I go, what would I do? Finally a couple months ago I decided to leave and he told me I couldn't. That's when he started hitting me…."

Finn looked sad, crushed and very angry. Tears streamed down her face, she was so embarrassed, so hurt. She was so strong in high school and she had let a man take over who she was, she got caught up in the life she was leading and the need to be a part of something that she became one of those women. Finn looked like he was going to jump out of his skin.

"He hit you" Finn's voice was hard.

"Yeah, a couple times"

"Come on, were going to London so I can kill the old bastard"

"Finn" she said scared at how angry he looked.

"Rachel, this is nothing to take light. A man should NEVER lay his hands on a women for any reason. Especially a women as wonderful and caring as you. You did not deserve that"

"I know"

"So let's go to London, so I can kick his ass"

Rachel smiled at Finn's outburst "No need, it was his loss"

"How did you get away, get the strength to leave?"

"I channeled the old Rachel Berry, she would never allow a man to control her like that. So I planned my escape and the night I left, I hit him with a grape slushie" she said with a smile.

Finn's eyes opened wide and he had to laugh.

"You gave him a slushie facial?"

"Yep, then I sucker punched him and ran"

"That's my Rachel"

* * *

Rachel felt so much relief telling her whole ugly story. She had held it all in for so long, from her friends in London, from everyone. She hid her feelings, her sadness and despair. But with Finn it had come out easily, as it always had. As she sat in Finn's car, the heat blasting away the cold fall air, she was pretty sure she could sleep. She had not slept peacefully in years, there were the ghosts of her past that haunted her. Then pain of the present situation she had been in, her failures. But here in the comfort of Finn's car she felt warm and safe, she felt like she finally belonged. Her eyes felt heavy and sore from the crying and she shut them for a second, closing out the lights of Lima, of the world.

* * *

"Rachel….. Rachel…RACHEL" Finn shook her to wake her.

Her eyes fluttered open and she blushed with embarrassment, she had fallen asleep, hard, in his car. She sat bolt upright in the seat, hitting her head off the door frame and sighed, when had she become so klutzy? Why did she feel like she was 16 again, trying to impress Finn Hudson with her crazy behavior. They were not moving, he was turned sideways in the seat watching her. He hoped she didn't know that he had been watching her sleep. Which was kinda creepy and stalkerish but he didn't care.

"Sorry" she said rubbing her head.

"Your apologizing for sleeping"

"Yeah"

"Stop doing that"

"What?"

Finn laughed "Apologizing for everything. It's no big deal Rach"

Inside her something fluttered at him calling her Rach, he had very rarely called her Rachel when they were together. It felt like old times again, she was so happy!

"Where are we?" she asked looking at the house before her.

"There is someone I want you to meet"

She looked at him confused. Fear ran through her, was this where he was going to break her heart. Had all of this been a cruel joke? Was he building her up to crush her with his beautiful wife.

"I know we didn't get to talk about my life much at dinner so I thought I would give you the brief run down"

"Ok" she said as they walked up the driveway.

"After you left I was a little bastard. I drove my mother crazy, fought with everyone and was a royal pain in the ass. I finally took off for NY, chasing my dreams, chasing you, where I floundered, it was a mess. I was in bands, worked in a record store, dropped out of NYU after 1 semester. And I drank, boy did I drink, I think I spent a whole year in a drunken stupor. I was a complete mess and just when I thought I couldn't get more out of control, I married a girl who didn't love me after 6 months."

"Your married?" Her stomach sank, she was right.

"Was, moved to Jersey, played house and then divorced. All in a matter of less than 2 years."

"Oh Finn, I'm so sorry"

"Eh I was young and I thought Gretchen was the answer to my dark mood. She was fun, she was talented and we were a good match, for an awesome friendship"

"Guess we both messed up our lives"

"I have no regrets Rachel, I've lived, that's all I can do"

They got out of the car and Rachel smoothed her skirt as they walked to the door. It was modest by Rachel Berry standards, a testament to her new life. Finn put his keys in the door and opened it slipping into his dark home.

"Your home Mr. Hudson" a young girl met them at the door.

"Yeah" he said simply paying the babysitter.

Rachel looked confused, not knowing who the young women was or why Finn was paying her.

"Who was that?" she asked after the girl had left.

"Nadia, my babysitter"

Rachel's head shot up and looked at him

"Babysitter"

"A person who watches the children when the parents are away" he explaned.

"I know what a baby sitter is" she snapped.

They looked at each other for a minute.

"You're a daddy?"

"Yep, Jackson is 5" Finns voice was filled with pure pride. "I've raised him all on my own, Gretchen left when he was still a baby. She couldn't take the responsibility, I guess it was just not in her nature. I don't blame her. I just don't understand her. I came back to Lima after she left."

Rachel looked at Finn and felt a sense of regret. This could have been her life, her child, their child, her home. Watching Finn like this was so amazing, and she felt a surge of awe. This man before her was not the young man he once was, he was this amazing adult version of himself. Responsible, caring and dedicated, he had grown up beautifully!

"You want to meet him?" Finn asked with joy in his voice.

"Of course" Rachel smiled.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Alright let me know what you think. This story has a lot of what's going on in my family in it (My MIL and Step-Father were both diagnosed with CA this year she has breast cancer and he has renal cell carcinoma). Sometimes when I need to process things I write about them!

* * *

September 2040

Rachel was pulled out of the memory by the sound of three voices running together. They were all shouting questions at her as 4 pairs of eyes stared back at her. The eyes were unnerving because they were their eyes, 3 pairs of Finn's dark brown eyes and a single pair of her lighter golden brown eyes. They were looking at her with such intensity that it sent a shiver down her spine.

"Were you back in love again" Rachel's youngest, Harmony said

"No stupid, love takes time" her oldest daughter, Arietta responded

"Don't call me stupid, stupid" the youngest said again

"You're the one who's asking stupid questions"

"There is no such thing as a stupid question Ari" Jackson responded to his sister.

"Was Jackson a cute baby" her middle child, Sonnet said

"I wasn't a baby, I was 5" Jackson responded with a laugh.

Rachel cleared her throat and the room quieted down. "First of all Arietta, don't call your sister stupid, it's not nice." she said to her oldest who at 13 was pretty much a carbon copy of Rachel. Rachel now understood what her father's went through when she was a teenager because every Diva like quality she had her daughter had inherited. She wondered how a child that was half Finns could have so little of his laid back personality.

"And Harmony, no it took your daddy and I a bit longer to realized how much we really love each other. Life isn't always as easy as it seems, especially when you're the one living it."

The memories of their reconnection swelled Rachel with a sense of longing and love. She looked at her children, at their children and she could do nothing but smile. Jackson looked exactly as Finn had in his early 20's; tall, lanky with that crazy brown hair and those expressive eyes. Everyday she saw more of his father in him, Finn's need to make sure everyone was taken care of, his passion for life. She was so proud of the man he had become, while biologically he was not her son, in every other way possible he was. And her girls, her precious little babies were on the verge of becoming women at 13, 12 and 10. Rachel wondered where the years had gone, how she had gotten to this point.

"Okay bedtime" she said to them glancing at the clock.

"But Momma, we wanna hear more of the story" Sonnet spoke up.

"All in good time my dear. But you must get your rest. Uncle Kurt is taking you to the city and I'm sure he has a busy day planned for you. So go, scoot, in bed and lights off in 30 minutes"

The girls complained but slowly began to move giving their mother kisses and hugs for Jackson before they shuffled up the stairs. Jack stood and looked over to her

"Mom, do you mind if I go out for a little while?"

Rachel smiled at the amount of respect her son had. He was 23 years old and technically didn't need her permission to go out. When she was 23 she was living in London on her own, at 23 Finn was married and had Jackson.

"No, of course not, go, be safe and have fun" she told him watching him leave.

The house fell eerily silent around her and Rachel began to feel uncomfortable. Nights were the worst time, the loneliest. When her emotions were not bogged down with the responsibility of raising four children, with the stress' of work and running the household practically on her own. No matter how busy her days were however night always came and with it the onslaught of emotions, evening had been their favorite time once they started their family, a time when she and Finn could be together and just be Rachel and Finn, not Mom and Dad. They could talk about their days, watch the news, make love. When the girls were little it was the one time of day they would all go to sleep, their quiet time, and Rachel relished in those moments.

* * *

Rachel finished up downstairs, locking the house and ascending the stairs before walking into their room and sat on the end of the bed, memories of their life together assaulted her from every direction and she was finding it harder to even sleep in the room. If Jackson hadn't taken a semester off from school she probably would have resorted to sleeping in his room by now. She took a deep breath and she could still smell him even though he had not been in the room in months. That soft masculine scent that only reminded her of Finn. When she closed her eyes she could see him here with her. That crooked smile that he only reserved for her, his strong embrace, his velvety voice, that glint in his eyes. There was so much she loved about Finn Hudson it was overwhelming. Sometimes thinking of him would literally take her breath away, as if she could not breathe without him. Some people talk about how love can fade over time but hers, it only seemed to get stronger as the years passed, as they built their life, their family together. Tears began to form in her eyes and travel down her cheeks. She had not cried for him in a while, she had so much stuff going on in her life she found it hard to even have time to cry or maybe it was because she wondered how she had any tears left. But tonight her wounds were open and bleeding, the silent emptiness of their room digging deeper. Normally she was so exhausted that she would just crash as soon as her head hit the pillow, falling into a fitful sleep only to be awakened in the morning by one of her girls. It didn't leave her much time for reminiscing, and that was okay with her, but her story tonight had opened up years of memories. She didn't know what to do with the onslaught of emotion. Part of her wanted to scream, yell and break furniture for life being so unfair, part of her wanted to curl up in a ball and cry until it was impossible for her to do so any longer. She knew she should not have even started telling the story but her children wanted to hear it, wanted to know their daddy and honestly she sort of wanted to revisit it herself. She had been a bit shocked when the three girls approached her after dinner and asked her to tell them how she and daddy had gotten together. When she had returned to Lima all those years ago was when her life truly began, she had realized that everything she had in London, the fame and the money, didn't compare to the love of this one man. The story had come easy as they settled into the oversized living room furniture and her children drank in her every word eagerly. Even Jackson had joined them listening to the tale she wove, only this wasn't some fictional love story, this was the real thing, an "epic" romance their friends had called it.

Rachel knew why the feelings were so strong today though, It had been 6 months since they had found out that Finn was sick. He had been feeling under the weather for some time and went in for some routine blood work at the urging of his doctor. While they waited for the results Finn had started taking vitamins and supplements. He was exhausted all the time, he felt weak and would get feverish. Nothing he was taking seemed to work however and he got to the point where he couldn't even do a full day of work because of the exhaustion. He would sleep all the time, Rachel was concerned but tried not to show it. The doctors were looking into everything, everything would be fine. Two weeks later they had a diagnosis, Finn had Leukemia. Their lives came to a grounding halt, all of their worst fears imagined, this wasn't just the flu or a bug, Finn had cancer, everything was NOT fine. They admitted him the next day to begin treatments. 6 Months and 6 rounds of Chemo later they were waiting on the blood results to find out if the treatment was working. Finn was on a bi-weekly cycle with each month counting for 1 round, the doctor had explained to Rachel that most leukemia's take a solid year of to achieve remission so that was the plan. The first couple cycles Finn would return home during his weeks off but lately he had spend more time in the hospital, he was dehydrated, weak and nauseated. It was easier for the oncologist to treat his chemo side effects from an impatient standpoint. The doctors prognosis was good, Finn was young and they had started treatments early. It was hard having him away and even harder seeing him sick. Everyone assured Rachel that it was working but if it wasn't….. Well that was just something she couldn't bring herself to think about. But she really had to, because she still had these children to support and raise, and she needed to be prepared for the worst, while hoping for the best.

"Rach" she heard a soft voice in the doorway and looked up to see Kurt standing there.

She smiled and waved him into the room and he joined her on the end of the bed. He put and arm around her and they sat in silence, staring at the pictures that graced the wall opposite her bed. Rachel could barely see them through the haze of her tears but she knew what they looked like by heart, every major milestone of their life, forever captured in time.

"You need to talk?" Kurt finally asked.

He had been staying with the family for a couple months and it made Rachel's life a little easier. Kurt loved their kids as if they were his own so it was only natural for him to jump right into a role in their lives. He could never replace Finn, never be a father to them, but that wasn't something he wanted, he could however be the best Uncle those kids could ever have. He would take the kids minds off of everything that was happening by taking them on these weekend trips. Kurt had the means to do it and Rachel knew he enjoyed spending some time with the girls as well. Having Kurt around helped keep Rachel sane as well, she had someone to talk to, to bounce idea's off of. She and Finn had always faced parenthood as a team, they used each other as a sounding board and had each other's backs. There was no good cop, bad cop in their routine, they didn't contradict each other and never went behind each other's backs no matter how much the kids complained. If one of them said no, no was the final word. And it worked for them and it worked well.

"How am I going to do this without him?" she finally spoke, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Your not" Kurt said squeezing her to him "I know it's cliché but Finn is going to get better"

"I hope your right" Rachel collapsed into Kurt's small frame.

"Rachel, this is Finn we are talking about, if there is one thing Finn knows how it do it's to fight for those he loves. Do you really think he's going to leave you and his children?"

"Sometimes life isn't that easy Kurt. All I hear is 'Be Strong Rachel', 'He's gonna be fine Rachel', 'Think about the kids Rachel' What if he's not?" she sighed.

It felt so odd in Kurt's embrace, Finn was such a large man that he seemed to envelope her, she fit so perfectly into his arms but she and Kurt were pretty evenly sized, though he still towered over her. She couldn't imagine what it would romantically feel like for her to be in another mans arms. It was a feeling she could not and would not welcome into her mind though. Kurt was right, Finn was going to get better, because he had to, because he promised he would never leave her, because he was the love of her life. Kurt looked down at her and smiled.

"You look exhausted"

"I am, but I can't sleep" she said honestly.

Kurt stood and walked to the dresser, opening it and throwing a pair of flannel pajamas with music notes on them. They had been a gift from Finn last Christmas and she smiled at the memory. Kurt spun on heel, leaving the room as Rachel changed. She was snuggled comfortably in the bed when he returned in his outrageous silk pajamas carrying his pillow and a bag of M&Ms. He moved Finn's pillow to the side and replaced it with his own before turning to her and smiling.

"Tell me more of the story"

"You've heard it all before" she laughed

"Well, I want to hear it again!"

"Who are you and what have you done with the real Kurt Hummell"

"What are you talking about"

"Oh come on Kurt, whenever people ask about how we met or anything you make fake gagging noises and say your choking on the sugar" she smiled at him

"Well I apologies for all of that, my dear Rachel, now tell me the story"


	10. Chapter 10

"_After everything that happened I thought regaining Finn's trust would have been the hardest thing I had to do in my life. Boy was I wrong, trying to get Jackson to accept me was even harder…."

* * *

_

November 2022

Rachel took a deep breath and swallowed the bile down in her throat. In the months since she and Finn had reconnected they had fallen back into an easy friendship. It was like it had been in the early days of Glee before all the drama; before babies, heartbreak, distrust, broken dreams and shattered promises. Rachel knew that Finn was still sensitive about her revelations to him about the miscarriage and her vanishing act there after but he seemed to be processing that and working on it. There would be times when he would made sideways comments to her, touching on how hurt he was that she had lied to him, but those had become less. She had asked him a few times if he wanted to talk about it but he said he was okay. That is was something he had to deal with himself. And she gave him the space he needed to deal because this was a new wound for him, while it already had time to heal for her. They would meet up for lunches or early dinners in between their work and school schedules and discuss their lives. Rachel and Finn had deep conversations about their feelings and emotions. They discussed the proposal and why Rachel really felt that excepting it would be unfair to Finn. Finn was completely upfront with her about his feelings, how heartbroken he had been when she rejected his proposal and how he blamed himself. It was hard to get together more than a few times a week because of Finn working in Columbus but they still managed.

Both knew that if they were going to truly find a place of peace in one another they would really have to work at this relationship. Both were grateful for their newly refound friendship, which made life a little easier for everyone. While they were spending the last couple of months reconnecting Rachel had not seen to much of Jackson. Finn had explained that he wanted to make sure this was worth fixing and something they were able to do before he really brought her into his life. Well Finn must have found her worthy because he had arranged for a dinner at his house, with Jackson, which was what was currently putting Rachel in this state. It wasn't that she didn't like children, she loved them and hoped to have her own big family some day. But she was not good with kids. She didn't have a lot of experience with children, aside from her cousins twins who seemed to scream every time Rachel came near them. Even once they were well out of the temper tantrum age they still would run and hide from Rachel. She didn't know why but that had kind of quelled her sense of comfort around children. And this was so very important tonight. She wanted Finn's son to feel comfortable around her, to like her. She had no idea where their relationship was going, if they would ever be romantically evolved again? Rachel planned on sticking around for the long haul though, if all Finn wanted was a good friend, then she would be the best damn friend he ever had…..again.

Rachel swallowed again and knocked on the door. Inside she heard a pair of little feet running towards her, the pounding on the floor getting louder. She had already met Jackson the one time so she knew what to expect. She braced herself for little boy on the other side of the door and she heard Finn unclick the lock. Rachel smiled as he let her into his small cottage style home and Jackson looked up at her puzzled. Apparently he had been expecting someone else and Finn laughed at his reaction.

"Who were you expecting buddy?" Finn asked.

The little boy shrugged and Finn looked at him oddly, his son was so strange sometimes.

"I thought she was taller" the little boy regarded her as if her height was a deal breaker.

Rachel remembered that she had 4 inch heels on the night she had dinner with Finn. She had gotten into the habit of wearing heels all the time but tonight she had opted for jeans, flats and a tee for their at home dinner. Finn was laughing at the comment and Rachel stuck her tongue out at him, would anyone ever get tired of short jokes.

"She had high shoes on that night Buddy" Finn said leading them to the living room.

Jackson turned to Rachel as she entered the room behind him and stared at her with a look that sent chills up her spine. For such a small child his face was so expressive, so much like his father's was. She had always been able to read Finn, even when he tried to be unreadable.

"My daddy is tall" he stated clearly as if that were supposed to resolve some issue he was dealing with.

"I know he is" Rachel smiled at the little boy "Very tall".

"Your not!"

"Nope I'm not, I'm short, always have been" she laughed.

Apparently Jackson didn't find it funny and he just walked away from her. Rachel felt a flush touch her cheeks, this wasn't going well, her height has worked to her disadvantage again. Rachel was feeling flustered and she started to play with the hem on her skirt, a nervous habit.

"Relax Rachel" Finn said advancing across the room towards her.

"I don't think he likes me" Rachel hissed.

"Give him time Rachel. The only woman in his life that has ever made an impact is my Mom"

Rachel looked up at Finn with nervous eyes and a smile that touched nothing more than her lips. Finn pulled Rachel into a tight embrace that lasted a bit longer than a platonic hug should but Rachel could have stood here hugging him forever. Finally he pulled away from her and nodded to the kitchen

"Come on, we don't want the vegan meatloaf to get cold" Finn said with a bit of a smirk, only she could make the idea of a vegan meatloaf sound appealing.

The night proceeded much the same as it started, Jackson was not warming up to Rachel and Finn had to keep speaking to him. Finn knew that his spunky little son could be a handful and he could see Rachel getting more and more uncomfortable in his presence. He kept shooting Rachel knowing glances and whispered words of encouragement but they didn't help her feel much better. She put on her brave front, smiling at the small child even when he threw his roll at her head during dinner when she had asked Finn to pass the rolls to her. Rachel could see Finn trying to hold in his laughter as he scolded his son once again. They were just finishing up with dinner when Jackson knocked his milk all over Rachel. Rachel gasped in shock, sliding her chair back a bit.

"Mooo" Jackson laughed as the cold milk soaked into her jeans.

Finn slammed his cup down on the table and turned to Jackson

"Enough Jack, this is not how we act in this house."

"She eats like a bunny" Jack responded.

"Jackson, you do not throw your milk on people, under any circumstances. Rachel is Daddy's friend and you need to be nice to her like I'm nice to your friends. Now apologize to Rachel and go to your room"

"This meatloaf sucks" Jackson said pushing it around his plate with his fork.

"Jackson!"

Jackson stared at Rachel as she met his glare, her hands subconsciously dabbing at her soaked jeans with a napkin. The child said nothing but just continued to stare at her for a moment longer

"He's my daddy, you know" he finally said in what Finn was sure was the brattiest voice he had ever heard.

"I know" Rachel began before Finn cut her off.

"That means he likes me better than you"

"Jackson Christopher Hudson. Apologize to Rachel right now"

Jackson spun around and defiantly stuck his tongue out at Finn.

"Jackson, I'm not playing this game with you" Finn was standing now and Rachel was flushed with embarrassment, this was not going well at all.

"You're my daddy, mine"

"I know that Jackson" Finn said kneeling down to his level "I will always be your Daddy but don't you want me to have friends too?"

"She's a girl" Jackson stated

"Yeah she is, but boys and girls can be friends"

"That's stupid. Girls are stupid, girls have cooties"

"Jack, we don't say stupid in this house and you know that. And girls are not stupid, they make great friends sometimes. Look I will talk to you about this tomorrow if you want but now it's time for bed for you"

Jackson spun around to look at Rachel and sighed "Sorry" before running from the room. Finn handing Rachel a dish towel and gave her a sympathetic look.

"I'll be right back" he said following his son from the kitchen and up the stairs.

Rachel walked into the living room. She could feel tears trying to fight their way from her eyes. She looked at the pictures on the mantle over the fireplace feeling like an unwelcome stranger in their home. Even from birth, Rachel could see Finn in Jackson. On the far side of the mantle, she picked up a picture of a newly born Jackson, Finn smiling hugely beside the bed, a beautiful brunette holding the baby in her arms, equal amounts of joy and exhaustion on her face. Rachel couldn't help but wonder what would make a woman suddenly turn away from her child like Gretchen had, this was all Rachel could have ever dreamed for. She ran a finger over the thin layer of dust on the picture, first brushing it from Jackson's face and then Finns. She looked at the brunette again and pictured herself in her place. She was staring at the picture so deeply she hadn't heard Finn return to the room.

"Rach" he said softly putting a hand on her shoulder.

That was when the tears finally won their battle, they streamed down her face as she spun around to face him

"He hates me"

"Rachel, he's 5, I don't think he's even capable of hatred. He's scared, he thinks you're a threat to him. I've never brought another woman into this house before, not one he didn't already know, not one that I had feelings for like I have for you." Finn explained to her as he led her to the couch.

"I want him to like me Finn, but children, well I'm no good with kids" he admitted turning to him from her seat on the couch.

"That's BS Rach, you just haven't had the chance to be great yet. You will be and Jackson will like you, just give him time"

Rachel nodded and Finn wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb. Deep inside her she felt a swell of emotions. She had to hold herself back from planting her lips firmly on his, she couldn't risk that, she couldn't mess up this friendship.

"Okay" she whispered "I'll give him time"

"Come to the zoo with us tomorrow"

"Oh I don't want to impose"

"Come on Rach, I could use the extra set of eyes"

"Okay…. Yeah I'll come" she smiled at him.

Finn smiled at her "Sorry about the milk."

"Maybe you can rub some meatloaf in my hair and make a dinner buffet out of me" she laughed lightly.

"Sounds like desert to me" Finn smiled at her clicking on the TV.

* * *

When Rachel looked up at Kurt his mouth was hanging open, his eyes sparkling with intrigue.

"Did you? That night? Was that the night?"

Rachel laughed at his expression "No, it was strictly platonic for a while for us. Finn was nothing but a gentleman, sexual innuendo's aside"

"So how long did it take you to win Jackson's trust?"

"The Blizzard, in March" a voice said from the doorway and their heads turned to see Jackson standing in the doorway. "That was the first time I ever felt like a I had a Mom!"


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you to everyone who is reading this story and for your amazing reviews. It means a lot to me.

Sorry about the delay in updating, life has been a little crazy! I had to split this into two chapters because it was getting really long, still working on part two, should be up soon!

* * *

_March 2023_

Rachel sat in the back of her effective speaking class only half paying attention to what Professor Sandez was saying. The man was old enough to be her grandfather and completely boring for someone who was supposed to be teaching them how to speak effectively. Rachel wasn't even sure why they made her take this class to begin with, she had no problem speaking in public and could effectively communicate her ideas much better than this old professor could. She was Rachel Berry after all. But when she tried to argue her point to her adviser she informed her that 'ALL Speech Therapist majors had to take this class'. Technically she was a double major in Speech Therapy and Musical Theory, she was going to use musical rehab in her work, but she did what the adviser said and took this boring class. Beside her Cara was surfing the net on her I-Pad, giggling silently to whatever it was she was looking at. Rachel was bored, no scratch that, she was dying. It was Thursday afternoon and the last class of the week before spring break. She was excited to get this over with and get on with her time away from school. She and Finn had made plans with some of their old friends to have a fun retreat next week in New York City. They were hooking up with Kurt to see the sights, catch a show and eat some amazing authentic New York cuisine. She was excited, it would be the first time she had ventured back to the city since she had returned to the states last year. Rachel felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and slipped it out. Finn's name displayed across the screen, she stole a glance at the professor before hitting the green send button.

"Hold On" she said softly, slipping the phone back in her pocket and rising to her feet.

Cara looked up at her strangely and Rachel whispered 'bathroom' to her. Once outside the classroom she pulled her phone to her ear, she knew Finn was working so his mid afternoon call was out of the ordinary for him.

"Hey"

"Rach, thank god, I need you to do a huge favor for me" Finn's voice was choppy and sounded far away.

"Finn I can barely hear you" she said pressing the phone tighter against her ear as if that would help.

"Rach? Rach"

"Finn" she said louder "Can you hear me?" She felt like she was on a Verizon commercial.

"Yeah but barely"

"Then talk fast" she laughed.

"Rachel I need you to pick up Jack at school for me"

"What?" she gasped

"Jack, I need you to pick up Jack. School is letting out due to the snow and I'm still in Columbus"

The snow, she forgot that it was supposed to snow today. She ran across the atrium to look outside. The snow was coming down heavy, coating everything in a slippery white blanket.

"Rach" his voice brought her back "Can you get him? I can't get a hold of Puck, his cell just rings and rings. My Mom and Burt are in NY with Kurt" he explained his voice cracking as the service tried to cut out again.

"Yeah of course, I'll get him" she said, what else could she do?

"I'll call the school and let them know. I'm leaving Columbus now" he said his voice scrambling even more before the line went completely silent.

"Finn….. Finn….FINN" she yelled even though she knew he wasn't there anymore.

Rachel sighed, this was going to be quite an afternoon.

* * *

Rachel pulled up in front of Jackson's school. It wasn't that far away from the college campus but it had taken her well over 20 minutes to travel the snow covered streets. She slid to a stop and made her way to the office the snow clinging to her hair and eyelashes. It was then that Rachel remember how much she hated snow. Growing up in Ohio snow had been fun, it meant snow days and sledding. Being an adult in the snow, venturing the treacherous streets, cleaning off her car, shoveling, she hated it all.

"I'm Rachel Berry and I'm here to pick up Jackson Hudson" she said to the secretary. "I'm a friend of his father Finn."

JackSON HudSON she thought to her self, realizing for the first time how rhymey his name was. Jackson was a great name but she could have done so much better. The thought then struck her as a little odd, she had her chance to name Finn Hudson's baby, she lost that chance and that right a long time ago. What was she doing, why did these thoughts continue to invade her mind.

"What are you doing here" the young voice caught her attention.

"Your daddy is still in Columbus" she knelt down to his level "He asked me to pick you up and watch you till he gets home"

"Great" the little boy said flinging his backpack over his shoulder.

"He should be home soon" she tried to reassure him.

"Whatever" Jackson replied and Rachel wondered when 5 year olds got so mouthy.

The secretary shot Rachel a sympathetic look as she turned to follow the little boy out of the office. As they ventured across the parking lot behind the school Rachel felt the icy cold of snow hit her neck. She looked up to see Jackson smirking right before he hurled another snow ball in her direction.

"Not nice" Rachel said hurrying in his direction.

Another snow ball whizzed by her hitting her arm in a cloud of white powder.

"Jackson" she said sternly as he flung another wad of snow in her direction "You throw like a girl."

Jackson's mouth fell open as Rachel got to him and opened the door to her Prius

"Get in" she said a tad annoyed.

"This car sucks, it's a girl car"

"Good thing I'm a girl then huh" she said.

Rachel got Jack all buckled into the car before they ventured their way towards Finn's house across town. Rachel drove slow, tapping the brakes at regular intervals to make sure she could stop when she needed to. She drove cautiously under normal circumstances but the combination of snow and the fact that she had Finn's son in her car made her even more cautious. It took her 40 minutes to get across Lima and to Finn's house, Jackson complaining in the back seat the entire way.

"You drive slower than my Grandma" he said clicking his tongue.

She looked at him in the rear view mirror and saw him smirking, the same shit eating grin she had seen on his father's lips over the years.

"Just want to keep you safe" she told the young boy diverting her eyes back to the road. She hoped Finn would be home when she got there but she doubted it. It took a good hour to get to Columbus and it just took her almost that long to get across town, it would take him double, maybe even triple that amount to get home. Rachel's concern was proven when she pulled up to the empty house. Finn was not home and now it was her job to keep Jack entertained until he returned. She parked the car in the driveway and made her way to the door, Jack throwing snow at her the entire way. It was a good thing that he was Finn Hudson's son because she was tempted to just leave him here on his own. She knew that was wrong but the thought still crossed her mind. She finally got the door open and Jackson into the house, locking the door behind her out of habit.

"I'm hungry" Jackson said a short while later from his spot on the floor in front of the TV. Rachel looked up from the book she was reading and smiled at him, raising to her feet. She had guessed it would be chaos once she got him in the house but as soon as she put a movie on for him he had been shockingly good. She had thrown on a fire in the fireplace and it made the room warm and comforting. She made her way to the kitchen and put a pot of water on for macaroni and cheese. She occupied herself flitting around Finn's kitchen adding her own spices to the Kraft Macaroni and making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for him as well. She cut the crusts off and waited for the macaroni to cool a bit before calling him to the kitchen. He came to the table, assessed his food and ate in silence, she sat across from him watching him devour the food, he had his Daddy's appetite that was sure. When he finished his food he looked up at Rachel and smiled

"Thanks for the food Rachel, it was good"

"No problem Jackson" she was shocked, she had yet to have a meal with Jackson without wearing part of it. He loved to knock his drinks over on her.

"You don't want any?" he asked her

"Well I'm a Vegan which means I don't eat cheese" she explained "besides I'm not real hungry"

"Oh" he said. "Why?"

"Well I just don't like to eat a lot of foods that come from animals"

"Cheese doesn't come from an animal" he laughed.

"No but Milk does"

"Oh" he said again.

Rachel knew he didn't really understand but she didn't want to get into a big long explanation that would be over his head so she just smiled back at him. He sat at the table and watched her clean up the kitchen, cleaning the dishes she dirtied and putting them away. She waited cautiously for him to do something naughty but he just sat there watching her.

"Come on" she said when she finished nodding her head to the living room.

She followed him into the room, picking up the remote to unpause his movie.

"Can I sit with you" Jackson asked as she went to sit on the sofa.

"Of course" Rachel said a bit shocked at his change in behavior. It had been months and Jackson always found a way to give her a hard time. He spilled things on her, kicked her, interrupted her when she was speaking but this was a complete 180. It felt good, she liked it. They sat there in silence watching the movie, Rachel honestly had no idea what was going on in it but Jackson was captivated. She could feel the soft rise and fall of his breath as he was cuddled up against her under the blanket that had once sat on the end of Finn's bed at his Mom's. Occasionally she would bring the blanket to her nose and sniff it lightly, it smelled like Finn in every fiber, it reminded her of the old days, curled up under that blanket. She was at ease here like this as the snow covered the world outside.

* * *

Rachel's eyes fluttered open slowly, adjusting to the inky darkness. She tensed because she was a bit disoriented and briefly unsure of where she was. But realization came washing back, the storm, Jackson, Finn's house. That was when she felt like she was being watched, she looked up to see Finn standing over her looking down at her. Behind him a fire roared in the fireplace. Finn smiled down at her, shrugging his coat off, the snow melting in his thick brown hair.

"Rise and shine morning glory" he said smoothly.

Rachel stretched out, Jackson was tucked in between her body and the back of the couch. His body rose and fell with each breath, the breathing came in the steady rhythm of sleep. Finn's old blanket was draped over the two of them, tucked snugly around her legs. She pushed the blanket back a little trying to shimmy from the couch without waking Jackson. The cold air hit her skin like a freight train and she gasped.

"It's freezing in here"

"The power's out" Finn responded "I have hoodies in the hall closet".

Rachel has successfully slipped away from the couch without waking Jack and had made her way to the closet, pulling on a old Ohio State hoodie, it smelled like Finn. She was swimming in the garment and could have worn it as a dress. Finn chuckled a little as she entered the room.

"Are you even in there or is that hoodie walking on it's own?"

"Can it Hudson" she shot in his direction.

"What? Come on Berry, you look cute in my clothes, especially with bed head" he laughed lightly his voice carrying across the room.

Rachel stuck her tongue out at him before she made her way to the window and looked out, it was like a ghost town outside, the snow still falling, the only tire tracks were the fresh ones Finn had recently made. The world was dark except for the soft light reflecting from moon. Along the pathway Finn's solar lights were practically covered with snow, their head poking from the snow making it sparkle around them. Finn walked up behind Rachel slipping an arm around her waist and joining her in looking out the window. They stood there in silence just watching the snow fall from the sky in a steady rhythm.

"Isn't it the most beautiful thing you have ever seen" Rachel asked in awe of natures fury.

"It's pretty close" his breath was thick on her ear.

Rachel felt something stir deep inside her as a bit of desire pooled between her legs. He was so close, his breath on her neck, the manly smell of him all around her, his strong grasp across her flat belly.

"I'm glad you made it home safely" she said honestly.

"It wasn't easy. Thank you for picking Jack up, Puck is stuck at the bar, I finally got a hold of him a couple hours ago"

"Anytime Finn, that's what friends are for" she leaned her head back on his chest, the rhythm of his breath increased slightly. Finn tightented his grasp around her waist as they just stared out the window, pulling his hips back slightly to hide his growing arousal.

"I'm glad to have you back in my life Rach, you always have been the most reliable person I know"

She felt her stomach rumble under his arm and was reminded that she had not eaten in hours. She didn't even know what time it was but she knew she was starving. Finn must have felt her stomach rumble because he looked down at her.

"Let's go figure out something for dinner" he said pulling his warm body away from her

"So what do Vegan's eat when all the grass is covered by snow?" he asked as he lead the way into the kitchen.

"Hilarious, Finn. I think you missed your calling"

* * *

_Rachel looked across the room to where Jackson was standing in the doorway and smiled at him._

_"That was the first time we felt like a family" Jackson answered coming into the room. "The first time I understood what having a mom would be like. My friends all had moms but I never got it until that day"  
_

_He approached Rachel and gave her a huge hug. She hugged her son back, tears forming in her eyes, memories of that night flooding back to her._

_"I Love You Mom" Jackson said into her hair as she hung onto his shoulders._

_"I Love You too Jack" she cried._

_"I want to come with you to see Dad" he said pulling away._

_"Oh Jack, I don't know"_

_"Mom, I'm not Ari, Sonnett or Harm, I can handle this, I have to see him" he said honestly._

_"Yes, Of course Jack" she smiled at him._

_"And" he stalled as Rachel looked deep into his eyes, Finn's eyes "I would like to bring Trista."_

_Rachel though for a minute, Jackson had been seeing Trista for a little over a year but she had yet to meet Finn with his illness and what not. If he wanted to bring her to meet his father then things must be getting serious between the two. The idea of her little boy being in a serious relationship made her feel old, but then again she had found her true love at 16. She looked to Kurt and he just shrugged his shoulders, after all it was her decision._

_"Mom, this means a lot to me. We don't know what will happen but I need her to meet Dad and him to meet her. Please Mom" he was almost pleading._

_"Okay, okay she can come with us."_

_Jackson engulfed her in another tight hug and as he spun to leave the room Rachel called out to him_

_"Jackson…. She needs to sleep on the couch" she smirked at him._

_"But how did you know she was even here?"_

_She laughed at that response "I haven't been old forever Jack."_

_As he left the rooms she could feel Kurts eyes on her. She turned expecting him to talk her out of taking Jackson and Trista with her to see Finn. They had all been very adamant about limiting the children's exposure to Finn's illness. Finn didn't want his kids seeing him sick and Rachel didn't want them to see their daddy like that. But Jackson wasn't a child, he was 23, he was an adult._

_"What?" Her question was directed at Kurt._

_"There was more to that story wasn't there?" he smirked_

_Rachel laughed "What do you think"._


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks for all your support everyone, hope you enjoy the latest installment!

* * *

"I need more light Rach" Finn said as he rummaged around in the basement.

"Maybe if we had more than a penlight" she commented holding the small flashlight farther away from her and closer to the pile of boxes.

The small beam of light barely illuminated the boxes and Finn grumbled in frustration.

"You really can't be angry at your own inability to plan efficiently"

"Gee sorry Rach, because I planned for the power to go out" Finn snapped moving a box to the side an opening another.

"Well maybe if you had batteries in your emergency supply kit" she said evenly.

"What emergency supply kit?" Finn looked up at her from where he was squatting.

"Exactly my point Finn" she began "You need to always be prepared for an emergency, weather is unpredictable; Blizzards, Floods, Tornado's, Hurricanes. You never know when you will need to be ready Finn; blankets, canned food and batteries."

"Hurricane's? This is Ohio Rachel" he laughed at her frustrated expression.

"Is that all you heard? You never know what can happen Finn."

"Right, those Mississippi River Hurricanes can be brutal" he full on laughed at her.

"Yeah it's so funny Finn" she waived the small pen light around to prove her point.

"Fine, point taken" he grumbled moving another box.

He strained to find what he was looking for in the inky darkness, getting frustrated that it was taking him so long to find the camping supplies. He moved over to the other side of the pile he was working on and dove into some more boxes.

"You know Finn if you were a bit more organized then maybe this wouldn't be such an ordeal. If you clearly labeled the boxes and sorted them by season then…."

"Rachel" Finn looked up at her "Can you just…. Can it."

"Nice Finn, I'm just trying to help you out"

"Gee thanks" he rolled his eyes.

He opened another box and sighed in relief. Thank goodness he had finally found the camping supplies. He pulled out a lantern and turned it on, the basement illuminating in the soft light.

"Better?" He smiled up at Rachel with that crooked grin and she rolled her eyes at him slipping the pen light into the pocket of her jeans.

He pulled out two other lanterns and slid the box to the side. On the floor behind it were two small heaters that ran off of 12V batteries. Finn was now thankful that Burt had convinced him to take annual family camping trips. He had bought the heaters to keep Jackson warm in the small cottage they always rented. He slid them over to join the lanterns and picked up the two 12V batteries. His muscles flexed as he held up heavy batteries in the palm of his hands, his biceps straining.

"They don't put off a lot of heat but should keep his room warm enough" he explained to Rachel who was trying to juggle the 3 lanterns in her small arms. She looked at Finn easily palming the two batteries and shook her head. They ascended the stairs and Rachel busied herself with setting up the lanterns as Finn bolted back down the stairs to grab the heaters. After Finn had set them up in Jack's room he put more fire on the fireplaces in both his room and the living room. The house was silent except for the small blipping from Jack's handheld video game system. Finn went back down stairs passing his son on the couch and stood in the doorway to the kitchen, watching Rachel fuss around by the light of the lantern, trying to throw a dinner together for the three of them. She was moving around the kitchen like second nature, pulling stuff from the fridge and cabinets. Finn felt a comforting feeling of home watching her take care of his family, it was like nothing in the past had happened and she was taking care of their family. Finn saw her reaching high into a cabinet, up on her tiptoes, her calf muscles straining. Those legs, oh how he loved those legs. He walked across the kitchen and easily handed her the can of fruit, turning back and leaning on the counter

"Thanks" she said softly

"Any time munchkin"

Rachel flushed, he hadn't called her that since high school and it wasn't something she he had called her in public.

"So Chef, what are we having" he asked.

"Well I made egg salad for you guys, since the eggs will probably go bad anyway. With chips and fruit"

"What about you?"

"I'm going to eat the rest of this salad" she held up half a bagged salad "with oil and vinegar"

"What no sprouts?" Finn laughed as she smacked his arm.

* * *

Finn adjusted the heaters safely in Jackson's room and tucked him into bed. It was just after 8pm but the little boy was out like a light. He threw a few extra blankets over his son's small frame before rejoining Rachel in the living room. She was sitting on the couch looking into the roaring fire. Finn looked at the stack of firewood beside the hearth and hoped it would last the rest of the evening. He had plenty of wood in the shed, all the way out in the yard, buried in the snow. Finn sat next to Rachel and pulled the end of the blanket over himself.

"Thank you for everything today Rach" he said turning to look into her brown eyes.

She smiled back at him and rested her head on his shoulder. She felt exhausted and content all at the same time.

"It was no problem Finn"

They sat in a comforting silence watching the flames leap around their brick prison. She could feel the steady rhythm of his breath and feel the beat of his heart as she leaned against his strong frame. Her eyes fluttered shut, the activities of the day catching up with her. Finn slid his arm around her shoulders as she curled her legs up on the couch beside her. The fire made a soothing crackling sound and Rachel wasn't even sure Finn was awake anymore.

"I've missed you Rachel" his voice was barely above a whisper.

She looked up at him and saw a look of pure honesty in his eyes.

"I've missed this" he continued.

She knew they had agreed on a simple friendship, a return to the days of early Glee Club, before they dated, when they were each other's best friends and nothing more. But Rachel doubted her ability to maintain that, because for her there had always been something more with Finn. For Rachel, Finn had always and only been it. From the moment he joined Glee and came tumbling into her life, Finn Hudson had her. There would never be anyone else that she felt so completely at ease with. She could open up her soul and bear it completely to Finn, she had the ability to be emotionally naked with him and that made her feel liberated. It always had.

"I did too Finn, I'm glad we are able to be friends again"

"No Rachel, I've _missed_ you" his eyes were filled with emotion "I've missed us. Today working as a team with you, it felt right. It felt like…"

"Family" she finished his words for him because that was exactly what she was feeling.

"Yeah" he said shifting so she could look up at him easier "The way you stepped up and took care of my son. It was awesome Rach. Gretchen was his mother and she couldn't even step up. She left him, she left me, she…"

Rachel searched his face "Finn"

His eyes were burning into hers as he studied her face in the flickering firelight. Then his lips were on hers before she could even react. She melted into his embrace as his arms slid around her, his lips hungrily attacking hers. Finn was overwhelmed with emotion. He had dreamed of kissing these lips again for over a decade and here he was holding Rachel Berry tight to him, his lips burning against hers as his tongue dipped into her mouth. Her tongue met his own frantic pace as one circled the other. Finn scooted Rachel back until her back was pressed up against the arm of the couch. Finn laid half on top of her, his arms firmly around her body as her arms circled his neck. Her fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck sending shivers down his spine. Rachel slid her knee up along the back of the couch allowing Finn to settle between her thighs, she could feel his growing erection against her and there was nothing she could think of more than having him buried deep inside of her body. The idea both thrilled and scared Rachel at the same time, Finn was well endowed and it had been a long time since Rachel had been intimate with anyone. On her side she felt Finns arm move pushing up the side of hoodie she was still wearing, he pulled his lips away from hers and rose to his knees. The look in his eyes now was one of pure passion, he grabbed the bottom of the hoodie and pulled at it as she lifted to allow him to remove it. The cold air of the room hit her skin, hardening her nipples and leaving a trail of goosebumps on her arms. Finn lowered his head and used his tongue to trace the goosebumps from her wrist up her arm. His tongue was warm and wet, leaving her skin cold where he had been. Rachel moaned bucking her hips involuntarily into his, her fingers grasping at the back of his neck. Finn grinded back as she reached for his belt. There movements were frantic, their intentions obvious as they began to pry the clothes off the other. Finn pulled Rachel's shirt off over her head, his own head falling to her stomach, kissing and nibbling at every free inch of skin. Finn had always loved Rachel's body and time had been kind to her. She was a bit curvier but still had that tight, flat belly and legs that could get him hard just thinking about them. And god was he hard right now and they both knew it as he pressed his denim clad crotch into her center. Finn slipped his arms behind her back and unhooked her bra in one swift movement. Rachel remembered when she taught him how to undo her bra the first time and here he was, swiftly removing it one handed. His lips were on her breasts before he had even removed the bra all the way. His hot tongue ran against the cool skin on her breasts and the sensation made desire pool between her legs.

"Oh god Rachel, you are so fucking beautiful" his speech was mumbled by the skin of her chest.

Rachel felt the desire surge through her at his words. Finn didn't swear much under normal circumstances but he had a dirty mouth when intimate and it drove her fucking crazy. There was something about hearing the manly growl of his voice saying such dirty things that drove her to the edge. The way desire was think in his voice, he made her feel like the most beautiful women in the world, and to him she was. His lips continued to assault her breast as his hand caressed the other. His hips ground into hers as she moved her legs around his waist. The barrier of their jeans causing both to yearn for the other so much more.

"Finn" her voice was soft and airy, her sex voice.

Finn had not heard that voice in so long that it drove him crazy right there. If he had been 16 again he would have had to call on the mailman. But Finn's little problem had gone away with age and he was fully prepared to screw the crap out of Rachel tonight, hopefully more than once. He could not wait to show her how much better Finn Hudson the man was, because nothing in the world was better than fucking Rachel Berry.

"Rachel, you drive me fucking crazy" he growled.

She dug her fingers into his back trying to pull him closer to her. She had to feel him, all of him, her body was yearning for him. Rachel pulled his head up to her level and brushed her lips against his before pulling his head back to look into his eyes. She smiled at him with her genuine million dollar smile and moved her lips over to his ear

"Finn Husdon, if you don't fuck me soon I think I will die. I want to feel you inside me, I've missed you so much" she purred into his ear and that was all he needed to hear. He had their jeans off in record time and Rachel was pretty sure she had never seen Finn move so quickly in her life. He hooked his thumbs into the waist of her panties pulling them down her legs, his fingers leading a hot trail down her flesh. Finn grabbed her hips and pulled her ass towards him so her head was flat on the couch. His fingers gripped her thighs as he looked down at her dripping center. He ran a finger along her slick folds and she moaned loudly.

"Please Finn" she plead.

That was all Finn needed as he centered himself above her and pounded into her and almost lost it. She was so tight, so wet, so warm and he never wanted to this to end. She wrapped her legs around his waist, her fingers pulling his thick brown hair. Finn had forgotten Rachel was a hair puller and he groaned in approval.

"My god Rachel, I've missed you so much"

His lips found hers in a searing kiss that literally took her breath away. Her fingers ran down his arms, his biceps straining as he held himself off of her. She ran them back up to his hair tugging strongly.

"Fuck Finn" she moaned loudly as he fell into a steady rhythm, burying himself all the way inside her and then pulling almost all the way out.

Her hips met his everything thrust as she rotated her hips in a figure 8 below him. Rachel was amazing in bed, she always had been and being here with her again was driving Finn even wilder. He never imagined he would have found himself buried deep inside Rachel Berry again. She pushed his breasts up into his chest and pulled his head down, their lips meeting.

"Shit, Rach, you are so fucking tight" he groaned into her mouth

"and your so fucking hard" she responded.

He knew Rachel was getting close when her hand slid between their slick bodies and began to rub her clit frantically. It was something Rachel had always done and Finn could not even describe how hot is was to feel her little hand between them as he slid deep inside her. She began to buck into his hips erratically and Finn could feel her walls tighten around him, milking him for everything he had.

"Finn… harder, please god harder" she pleaded.

He had to slow his pace to keep from loosing it before her, his only goal in the world right now was making sure she got off. He wanted her to feel as fucking awesome as he did right now. He dipped his head to her ear, running this tongue along it as her fingers flicked at her clit and his cock pounded into her. He was completely enthralled in her right now, her smell, the feel of the sweat on her skin, the way her eyes fluttered shut and she bit down lightly on her lip as she drove into him.

"Cum for me baby" he whispered to her "Cum all over me. I want to feel it. God your pussy is so fucking wet."

Finn was struggling to hang on, he had not felt like this in years, well almost 11 to be exact. Finn had been with women since Rachel but none of them complemented his own body so well.

"Finn" was all Rachel could get out, his dirty fucking mouth drove her crazy and he knew it.

"Come on Rach" he encouraged as her body began to shake around him "Let it go, cum for me".

He could feel her walls tightening as her juices surrounded him. She let out a earth shattering moan as his name slipped from her lips over and over again. Her toes curled and her nails dug into his back, she was pretty sure she drew blood. That was all Finn needed to explode into her, holding her tight to his body. When they finally came down from their highs they just laid like that, Finn bracing his weight on the back of the couch, her small body rising and falling with each breath below him. Her hair was stuck to her face, her skin glistened with sweat and she had the most adorable smile on her swollen lips. Finn slid himself slowly from her even though it was the last thing he wanted to do and pulled her into his arms as he rolled to the side of the couch. She looked up at him, pushing his hair off his forehead and he felt so content.

"I love you Finn, I always have" she finally spoke as a shiver ran up her back.

Finn looked down at her and smiled "I know Rachel because I have never stopped loving you either."

Finn pulled the blanket over them and pulled her tiny naked frame against his. His chin rested on her head, his arms around her, their legs tangled together. Finn could feel sleep advancing on him but he didn't want to submit to it. He didn't want this night to end because he knew with the first light of the morning sun things might be different. He was firm in his feelings but he could only hope Rachel was as well. He looked down at her, the firelight reflecting off her slick skin, a smile on her lips and he was certain he had never been happier in his life.


	13. Chapter 13

Sorry it's been so long for the update. Things have been crazy with work and school! Hope it's worth the wait.

* * *

_New York City_

New York sprawled before them like the massive concrete jungle it was. Rachel felt feelings of excitement well up in her belly that she had not felt in years. When she had returned to NY after leaving London she had not felt it's spark. This was the way NY was supposed to feel to her, the land of opportunity. She knew she was only in NY for a few days, that she had a life to get back to in Lima, but she couldn't deny the allure the city now held. Beside her Finn held her hand tightly, his eyes scanning the landscape, the concrete jungle. It had been years since he had been in New York, a place he never thought he wanted to see again. But here he was, with her, like it always should have been, and he was literally excited enough to jump out of his skin. Rachel squeezed his hand and looked up at him with a huge smile. He looked down at her with his crooked grin, snow flakes sticking to his long eyelashes. She reached up with her free hand and brushed the cold precipitation from his beautiful eyes. New York was coated in a fresh layer of snow and it had to be one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. He could stand on this spot in front of Grand Central, holding her hand, forever. Around them people bustled on with their lives, a little snow wouldn't slow them down, the City had seen much worse. The couple began to stroll slowly in the direction of Kurt's massive loft, it would have been much faster and warmer to take a cab, but Finn had been waiting for over a decade to stroll the streets of NY with his Rachel. And he was pretty sure that was what she finally was again, _his_ Rachel. The morning after they slept together he was worried she would freak. But she had woken up with a huge grin on her beautiful face and he knew that she was just as happy as he had been. They had been practically inseparable since that night and here they were in NY, together. This had been what they dreamed of when they were 18, Finn and Rachel against the world, just them in the big city. NY swallowed them up and it felt so right. He could feel her slip a little at his side and he stopped, looking down at her feet. He had to laugh a little because Rachel was wearing the most inappropriate shoes for traveling. While he would admit they made her legs look phenomenal, they could not be comfortable.

"What?" she asked in exacerbation.

"You sure you don't want to get a cab?"

She looked up at him with determination in her eyes and lowered her eyebrows. Nothing was going to take this away from them, especially not the fresh layer of snow. They were in New York, together, for the first time.

"No, I want to walk the streets of New York with you"

She looked around, her head glancing up at the enormous buildings, she felt so small and insignificant and yet strangely free.

"Rach, we can take a stroll tomorrow, I don't want to have to pick you up off this filthy sidewalk."

"You doubt my ability to walk in the snow? I'm Rachel Berry, I'm from Lima Ohio. I can handle a little snow. I can do anything I want" she said determined.

Finn laughed at her lightly "Your wearing four inch heels"

She looked at her feet, snow covering the tips of her golden shoes, snow making the tops of her feet red with the cold. She sighed and looked up at Finn and rolled her eyes "Hail a cab". Rachel Berry knew when to concede!

* * *

Finn's eyes fluttered open, the first rays of morning filtering in through the lacy curtains on the windows. Finn looked up at the curtain and raised a hand, running his fingers over the fabric. He was pretty sure that the curtains cost more than his car and he had to chuckle a little at Kurt's extravagance. In fact the whole apart was beyond extravagant, Kurt's high school bedroom back home in Lima had nothing on this. Beside him he felt a small body stir and he looked down at Rachel. She was draped across his body, her skin tanned and bare. He lowered his hand to her head and stroked her hair, enjoying the comforting silence of the room. Rachel stirred against him, her hair tickled his bare chest, her smooth leg rubbing against his groin. Finn groaned quietly not wanting to disturb her peaceful slumber. He could smell her all around him, on him. Her scent used to haunt him, he could swear he would get whiffs of her soft, feminine, clean scent even years after she left. Finn smiled and stretched his legs, he was so fucking happy. Last night had been amazing. No it had been more than amazing, it was one of the more epic nights of his life.

When they finally got to the loft, Kurt had whisked them away for an amazing Italian dinner at this quaint little restaurant on Broome St. He then followed it up with drinks at his favorite bar, Finn would admit he was a bit nervous it would be a gay bar. It turned out to be a dingy little place that reminded him of Puck's bar in Lima. The conversation had been light and fun, just relaxing before Puck, Lauren, Artie, Brittney and Mercedes got into NY the following day. Kurt told them about his fashion house, he gushed about getting to dress Natalie Portman and Julia Roberts at the Oscar's. He was making major waves in couture fashion and Finn was proud of him. Despite his resistance in the beginning he now saw Kurt as a brother 100%. Finn and Rachel spoke of Lima, her classes and goal of being a Speech and Musical Therapist and of course they spoke of Jackson. They returned to Kurt's loft well past midnight, all three of them tipsy, the three of them crammed into a stinky cab.

"What happened to Nathan?" Rachel asked slurring her speech a bit. She rarely drank anymore.

"Ugh! How come nobody told me what a diva he was?" Kurt asked giggling a little

"I didn't think he was so bad" Finn responded holding Rachel's hand in his lap.

Kurt glanced at them, noticing the intimate gesture but not mentioning it. Finn and Rachel had not told anyone yet that they had reunited and despite Finn noticing Kurt's glance he didn't offer up an explanation.

"That is because you have horrible taste in men" Kurt responded.

"Thank god for that" Rachel laughed "Spill" she said to Kurt.

"He was getting on my last nerve, I've worked hard for what I've accomplished and he had no problem living scott free off my success. He acted like the world should bow at his feet. Then a couple months ago I ran into Blaine at a Broadway premier."

"Your back with Blaine?" Rachel gasped

"We are not jumping into anything, but I think the last thing I need is another trophy boyfriend".

"I agree" Rachel giggled "You need someone tall and handsome with beautiful brown eyes and perfectly messed hair"

"That's not Blaine Rach, that's Finn" Kurt laughed

When they reached the apartment Finn had to practically carry both Kurt and Rachel up the front steps. He barely made it to the top with Kurt hanging on one arm while he dragged Rachel beside him with the other. They were laughing and giggling and their conversation made no sense. Finn was pretty sure that they were both carrying on their own separate conversations. Thank god for elevators because he apparently was the only one who could hold his liquor around here and there was no way he could get them up to the top floor. Once in the elevator Rachel was all over Finn, she reached her arms around his neck and ran her tongue from he ear to his collarbone. The contact made him hard on impact and his head swirled a little. He heard Kurt loudly clear his throat and then proceed to make barfing noises. Once in the apartment Rachel thanked Kurt for the great night before dragging Finn in the direction of one of the guest bedrooms.

"I'm guessing your sharing a room" Kurt yelled after them "Great, good for you guys."

"Night Kurt" Rachel giggled pushing Finn into the room.

Once inside Rachel took about two seconds to strip down to her lacy navy blue panties and bra. Finn just watched her in awe, she was so fucking beautiful.

"I want you so bad right now" she whispered and Finn felt a ripple through his groin.

"Rach your really drunk"

"I know what I want Finn" she said matter of factly.

That was all Finn needed to hear and before she could blink he was in all his glory, naked before her.

At the end of the night Finn had properly showed Rachel just how much she meant to him. Their love was explosive, nothing like the gentle reconnection they had made at his house. Their need combined with the freeness of alcohol had brought out the animal side of them. It had been fireworks! She was all over him and he could not imagine a better way to finish his first night back in NY. They made love frantically all over the room until both were so physically exhausted they could barely move. When they finally crashed into the massive bed sleep quickly found them. Finn fell asleep with a smile on his face for the second time in less than a week.

* * *

The door to the room banged up and Finn jolted up. He must have fallen back asleep at some point. Rachel sat up quickly clinging the sheet to her bare chest as Finn rubbed his eyes. Her quick motion had almost reveled him and he pulled on the sheet around his waist.

"Morning Sunshine" Puck smirked at them.

Finn rolled his eyes, he was used to Pucks antics but beside him Rachel gasped clinging tightly to the sheet.

"Noah, get out" she gasped.

"Calm down Berry" he laughed coming into the room

"I'm NAKED" she shrieked grabbing the comforter to her chest as well.

"Don't worry, I'm sure Finn's seen it before" he chuckled.

"It's not Finn I'm worried about you creep" she gasped.

Finn looked up at her and smiled, she was a sight to see this morning. Her lips were still swollen slightly from their frantic kisses and she had a bad case of sex hair. So much for keeping their newly reformed relationship under wraps.

"Believe me Rach, I've seen it all" Puck smiled his signature grin.

Finn pushed himself up to a sitting position, making sure he was properly covered below the waist and pulled Rachel into his arm as she tucked the blankets around her.

"Puck…. Dude….Get the FUCK out" Finn said evenly.

"Is that the way to greet your best friend in the big city? Your best friend who traveled all night because his girlfriend won't fly?"

"It is when _my_ girlfriend is naked and trembling at my side"

"GIRLFRIEND" Puck and Rachel both exclaimed.

"Are you shitting me Dude" Puck continued.

Finn looked from Puck to her, his eyes taking in her expression. While Pucks was an expression of disbelief and disgust, Rachel's was a look of pure joy. Finn understood Puck's feelings, he had been there while Finn hit rock bottom but things were different this time. Finn hadn't even thought of the words as they poured from his mouth, it was just so natural to call her his girl. And he meant it!

The sound of their voices must have rumbled from the room because Finn looked up to see Lauren and Kurt in the doorway. Rachel shrieked and pulled the blankets over her head. "I'm NAKED….. What is wrong with you people."

"Come on guys" Finn started "your traumatizing her"

"Nice to see you to Rachel" Lauren said before leaving the room grabbing Puck's arm.

The last thing she needed was him staring at the tiny, trim Rachel Berry. Sure Lauren was comfortable with who she was, and clearly Puck had proven himself over the years, but she certainly was not going to fan those flames.

* * *

Rachel watched in awe as the sun began to sink beneath the horizon as they watched from the observation deck of the Empire State Building. It was one of the most beautiful sights she had ever seen and the perfect ending to a day that had started out a little weird. When she had finally pried herself away from Finn and got presentable for the day she had given Puck a piece of her mind. She didn't care how long they had been friends, friends don't see friends naked. Once everyone was settled the group decided to get some lunch and see the sights of NY. Mercedes and Brittney wanted to do some major shopping so Kurt took them by some of his favorite shops. Puck, Lauren and Finn hung back and watched as the Mercedes, Brittney, Rachel and Kurt attacked the small shops. Before he knew it Finn was loaded down with bags as Rachel walked arm and arm with Mercedes. After shopping they hit some museums which Finn enjoyed more than he thought he would have. At this point Puck admitted that he was exhausted from the drive so he and Lauren took a cab back to the loaf, weighed down with the bags that Mercedes, Kurt, Britney and Rachel had shoved at them. That was when Kurt had suggested watching the sunset from the Empire State Building. Rachel had to give him credit, he had been right, this was beautiful.

She crawled up on the railing on the deck to get a better look and she heard Finn gulp behind her. Who would have thought her big, strong, tall Finn was afraid of heights.

"Finn come over here" she said waving him in her direction.

"I can see from here Rach" She could hear the nerves in his voice.

"Finn….come on…." she pleaded.

She heard him sigh and felt him come up slowly behind her. He put his arms around her waist and looked out over the Hudson River. She had been right, this was even more amazing from here. They didn't speak but just watched the sinking sun in a peaceful silence. He knew it wasn't real manly but he had always been in awe of natures beauty. Their Earth was a beautiful one, so many amazing sights, and he wanted to see them all with her. He felt Rachel shutter in his arms and suddenly he was reminded of the cold. It was freaking freezing and windy up here, but he had not even felt it while standing there with her watching the sun slip below the horizon.

"Come on… it's cold" he said pulling on her waist.

He looked around and noticed that they were practically alone up there. Kurt and the rest of them must have headed back towards the apartment. Normally Finn would have been pissed that they left him but he was happy to spend the private time with Rachel. He was pretty sure that was what Kurt's intent had been. After everyone left their room that morning Rachel and Finn had explained to Kurt what was going on, that they were giving it another whirl.

"But it's so beautiful" she said slightly dejected because she really was cold.

"I already have something beautiful to look at" he smiled at her.

She looked up at him and laughed slightly "Your corny."

"Thanks" he said pulling her from the ledge "but what does that say about you"

"What about me?" she grabbed his had as they began to walk slowly away from the ledge.

"You're the one with me, so guess that makes you corny by…. Injection" he smirked.

"Eww Finn" she swatted his arm playfully.

He leaned down to give her a soft kiss which she immediately returned. As he pulled away he watched her slowly open her eyes. She looked happy, so happy. Which was exactly what he felt.

"Rach" he said taking both her hands in his.

"Yeah?"

"I hope you know how much I love you, how much I've always loved you. There was never anyone else, even when there was someone else, that I have loved as much as you. When we were younger it literally took my breath away, to have such intense feelings for someone else. We were so young, maybe that was what was against us, but all I know is I never want to have to spend another day without you in my life."

"Oh Finn" tears were running down her cheeks.

"You complete my Rach, your like my other half. You make me so so happy!"

"I Love You too Finn" she reached up and placed a small kiss on his lips.

He smiled down at her and took a deep breath, it was now. This was the time, he had felt this once before a long time ago. Only this time….. This time would be different.

"Marry Me Rachel"

"What?" she said in shock

"I know it's fast Rachel, I know we just got back together. But this is right, I can feel it in my heart. We were meant to be together, meant to be a family. You me and Jackson! I don't want to wait anymore, I've waited 11 years to have you back. Rachel Barbra Berry, will you please do me this great honor and marry me?"

"There is nothing in the world I would want more than to have a family with you" she smiled at him "Finn Hudson, I will most defiantly marry you."


	14. Chapter 14

Hey look everyone, an update! Hope you enjoy!

* * *

September 2040

The room was silent, dark and sterile, exactly the way you would expect to find a hospital room. Rachel hated the way the hospital smelled, once she was there it was like she couldn't get it out of her nose for days or off of her skin for days. A silent reminder of the tragedy in her life, how perfectly fitting for the ever dramatic Rachel Hudson. Rachel had just taken Jackson and Trista back to the hotel, making them promise to sleep in separate beds in the suite. Rachel knew that her protests were futile but as his mother she had to try. They had arrived in Philadelphia around mid-morning, taking the train from Baltimore, and went to see Finn right off. Finn had been sitting in a large recliner, the sports sections of various newspapers spread around him on the table and bed. Finn was surprised and ecstatic to see his son and very happy to meet Trista, the girl who meant so much to Jackson. After visiting for a short while, Rachel took the kids to dinner and then to the hotel so she could return to the hospital and spend some time with Finn. He appeared to be sleeping when she came in the room. She could hear the soft rise and fall of his breath through the silence of the room.

"Hey babe" his voice startled her how could he lay so still.

"Did I wake you?" she asked softly

"Of course not, I couldn't sleep knowing you were coming back".

She approached the bed and looked down at her husband, her Finn. He wore a grey skull cap over his almost bare head, he was thin and tired looking. But he was alive and that was what was important and she could see it in his eyes. She sat on the edge of the bed and reached down for his hand. It was cold to the touch, so odd for the man who was like her human furnace. Normally they had to sleep with a fan on even in the dead of winter because Finn gave off so much body heat. It was stifling at times. She ran her thin fingers over his larger ones and realized he had his ring on again. It had gotten to the point where he had lost so much weight he couldn't wear it. Him gaining enough weight to wear his ring again had to be a good thing. She spun the ring around his finger, watching as the small amount of light from the window reflected off it.

"I can still feel you sliding that ring on my finger for the first time" he admitted.

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and smiled. She loved him so much, she couldn't imagine a life without him in it. He scooted over and allowed her to crawl into the bed with him. She knew the nurses wouldn't be happy but Finn had been here for so long he got away with murder, plus he could flirt his way to anything.

"It was a beautiful day" she managed to say.

"It was more than beautiful, it was the best day of my life"

* * *

October 2023

Rachel knew exactly what she wanted when it came to planning her wedding, what exactly that was however had shocked everyone. Rachel was a big personality, she always had been so when she had told Finn and Kurt that she wanted an intimate, elegant and simple wedding they were both shocked. That was about as far into the planning as Finn went, from there it was a whirlwind of dresses, colors, swatches and other assorted things that made sane women, and gay men, lost their minds. The only part Finn had insisted on was the food, and he enjoyed every single tasting they went to. The details quickly fell into place for their fall wedding, Rachel knew 5 months was moving fast but she knew what she wanted and had no intention of waiting 17 months to get it. The most difficult part of the whole wedding process had been telling her fathers. They were not keen on the idea of them rushing into marriage, they thought they needed time to work on themselves. When they had sat down to dinner to tell her father's they tried to talk them out of it. Claiming they didn't need to rush into marriage and that they were young and had no need to rush. Rachel thought she had waited long enough so she promised her fathers she would finish school and then promptly moved into Finn's house. Finn was worried about the situation with her father's but Rachel assured him they would come around when they saw how serious she was about this and as usual, she was right.

The morning of their wedding dawned beautiful and warm. The last warm days of summer hanging on leaving the air warm and crisp at the same time. Finn knew he was annoyingly chipper as he pulled himself from the bed in the guest room of Puck's house. Kurt had insisted that he and Rachel could not spend their final single night together because it could bring bad luck. Finn thought he and Rachel had more than their fair share of bad luck but respected Kurt's wishes. After all a night in Puck's guest room was better than a lifetime of complaining from Kurt. He loved his brother but sometimes Kurt drove him absolutely crazy. Finn even whistled as he made coffee, pulling out mugs for Puck and Artie as well, as he zipped around the kitchen. Artie soon followed Finn into the kitchen but did not look nearly as bright or chipper. He was trying to stretch in his chair, his hair was a mess and he had red lines etched into his cheek from the pillow.

"Good Morning Mr. Wheels" Finn said plopping into the nearest chair and sliding a full mug in Artie's direction.

"Eh" Artie said grabbing the mug off the table and sipping deeply.

Finn looked at Artie and smiled, he knew this marriage thing was tough on him. He'd been trying to get Brittney to marry him for years but she didn't want to mess with a good thing. And yet, Finn was still completely estatic because while he felt bad for Artie's situation, he was still marrying Rachel today.

"Come on man, today is amazing. The sun is out, the birds are chirping and I'm marrying the women of my dreams"

"Can you be more of a girl" Puck said coming into the kitchen wearing nothing but low slung boxers.

"Shut it Puckerman" Finn said smiling at the memories of high school Rachel.

Puck stuck his tongue out at Finn and took his own cup of coffee.

"Your pull out sucks man" Artie said rubbing his neck.

"Hey that couch is awesome" Puck defended his furniture.

"That couch was awesome, 10 fucking years ago" Artie grumbled.

"You sound like Lauren"

"Smart women" Artie sighed.

"Hey man… guy code, you never take the chick's side unless your trying to get laid" Puck leaned against the counter.

"Or unless the guy is a dumbass holding on to ratty decades old furniture."

"Well, you fuckers are depressing me" Finn began "I'm going to take a shower".

* * *

Rachel paced back and forth in front of the mirror in her and Finn's bedroom. She hadn't gotten much sleep last night but was shockingly not the least bit tired. She was ecstatic, nervous and ready to just get down the aisle already. She could hear Kurt, Lauren, Mercedes and Britney moving around downstairs. Somebody was cooking as the smell of bacon and eggs wafted into the room. Normally the smell of cooking meat made her a little sick to her stomach but this morning nothing could quell her mood. She was walking on clouds right now. She paced over to the closet and ran her fingers along her gown, was it to early to put it on? Hell if it was up to her she would have slept in it last night, it was that perfect. She could not believe today was finally the day, she was marrying Finn Hudson today. Today was her last day as Rachel Berry, from this day forward she would proudly be Rachel Berry-Hudson and she could not wait to start the next leg of their journey. Downstairs she heard the front door open and the voices of Carole and Jackson join the already excited voices. She went over to the closet and pulled out the small brown suit that Kurt had picked out for Jackson to wear during the ceremony. Her "sons" suit, the thought sent a pulse of joy up her spine. When they came back from their honeymoon Rachel was going to officially adopt Jackson, legally completing their family. She smiled as she ran her fingers over the small suit, imaging his handsome Daddy in his own brown suit, his hair with that natural tousled Finn look.

"Sweetie" she heard Carole's soft voice say.

Rachel turned and smiled at Finn's mother. She crossed the room and threw her arms around the older women. Rachel had never had a mother, Carole was the closest thing she had and she was so happy to make her officially part of her family. She could feel Carole smiling into her hair as she tightened her arms around the women who was about to make her son a husband.

"Are you ready for this?" she asked pulling away from Rachel.

Rachel and Finn had a tough sell in Burt and Carole as well. They knew what had happened to Finn the last time his relationship with Rachel ended and they were concerned for their future. They wanted to make sure that they were genuinely ready to make this next step in their relationship and that they were not just running back into things. Rachel assured them that this was what she already wanted, that mistakes of the past were of the past. That the only thing she knew was that she loved Finn more than she could even vocalize. But Carole and Burt didn't need the words. They could see it in their eyes.

"I've been ready for this since I was 16" Rachel began sitting on the edge of the bed, "it just took me a while to realize it."

"Well, let's do this then" Carole smiled at her.

* * *

The wedding was happening at sunset on the shore of Bowman Lake. The leaves painted the landscape in beautiful shades of red, yellow and orange. The air was crisp but still warm, holding onto the last breaths of Summer. Behind Finn was a white alter Kurt had designed, in front of him on either side of a flower strewn aisle were white wooden chairs. At the end of the aisle was a white arch adorned with flowers and fabric, Finn's stomach fluttered when he saw it because he knew shortly his Rachel would be walking through that arch. Finn watched as all of their loved ones came in and took their seats on either side of the aisle. They had invited only those closest to their lives, those who had shared their lives with them thus far. Beside Finn was his best man Puck. Finn and Puck had had their problems over the years but when it had come down to it, Puck had always had his back. Finn, Puck and Artie were dressed in simple brown suits with sage colored ties, their feet were bare in the cool moist grass and Artie had adorned his chair with streamers of brown and green. Puck caught Finn's eye and smiled at him, raising his eyebrows in a look of anticipation. Behind Finn the music started playing the bridal march and everyone's attention went to the back of the aisle. Rachel's bridesmaids began walking slowly up the aisle, they were wearing brown tea length gowns with sage sashes and had bare feet. Their bouquets were made of calla lilies and beads and their hair blew softly in the breeze as they made their way up the aisle. Slowly they walked down the aisle in perfect time with the music. Finn felt like they were crawling at a snails pace as his eyes remained glued on the alter behind them. Mercedes, Lauren and Brittney approached and stood across from Finn one by one as Rachel's Maid of Honor Kurt began his trip up the aisle in his sage colored suit. Finn had to give him credit, only Kurt Hummell could pull off wearing a tight sage colored suit and make it look good. Finn smiled at the women in his life standing across him, they were beautiful and he was so happy to have such great friends. A soft warm breeze blew off the lake and Finn could smell the flowers in the air. He would never be able to smell a lily again without thinking of this moment. As Kurt approached the alter little Jackson made his way up the aisle. His young son was so confident for a boy of 6 as he smiled and waved with his right hand as he held his little pillow in his left. Then all Finn saw was Rachel as she came through the arch on her father's arms. Her hair and a simple lace veil spilled down her almost bare back. Her gown was stunning, tightly hugging her curves and then flaring out in ruffles at her knees. She looked so amazing Finn almost forgot to breath. She was smiling that big radiant natural Rachel smile. Their friends and family watched as she approached the alter on her father's arms. Behind Finn Rabbi Greenberg and Father Lord stood ready to deliver the multi denominational wedding ceremony.

Father Lord spoke first "Welcome to the marriage of Finn Christopher Hudson and Rachel Barbra Berry. You have been asked to gather here to witness and share in the joy of this union. Father, you have made the bond of marriage a holy mystery.

With faith in you and in each other they pledge their love today. May their lives always bear witness to the reality of that love. "

Then Rabbi Greenberg "God of Love, who gives us the longing for, and capability of loving, we give you thanks for Rachel and Finn , for their open hearts and willing spirits, and for the example of love that they embody here in our presence. Be with them on this joyous occasion of showing their love and making their vows; and be with us, their witnesses, that we may all be changed by what is said and witnessed here."

Father Lord spoke again as Rachel felt tears reach her eyes. This was really happening, she was really marrying Finn!

"Rachel and Finn have opted to recite vows of their own words."

Finn turned to Rachel taking both of her hands into his large ones. His deep brown eyes were glistening with held back tears. He smiled down at her with that beautiful crooked smile and took a deep breath before beginning to speak

"There was darkness for a long time, it seemed all encompassing, like I couldn't breathe. I never thought I could get through it and then out of nowhere there was light, and that light was you. I never thought you would come back into my life and then there you were. Your love has given me wings, and our true journey begins today. I fell in love with you at 16 and have never, not for one minute, been able to make that love go away. It's you Rachel, it's always been you and today I promise to make sure it will always be you. You bring a song to my heart and a light to my life that only you can. I pledge before this assembled company to be your husband from this day forward. Let us make of our two lives one life. I want you for today, tomorrow, and forever."

Tears streamed down Rachel's cheeks. She thanked God that Kurt knew so much about make-up because she was sure her mascara would be leaving black tracks on her cheeks right now. Finn's words had been so beautiful, not only because they were his, but because they bared his soul, not only to her but to everyone who meant anything in their lives.

Rachel squeezed his hands, gently cleared her throat and began to speak in a wobbly voice "I have dreamed my whole life of having someone as wonderful as you love me the way you do. Finn you bring so much to my life; you love me unconditionally, you bring a feeling of peace to my existence and you have always believed in me. When I was 15 I lost my heart, to you, and I hope you never have to give it back. I give myself to you as your wife, and I promise here to treasure for all of my days the love we celebrate today. Let us bring together our lives and find ourselves anew each day. Finn, not only do I promise to be a good and faithful wife to you, but also to be a patient, loving mother to Jackson, caring for him and providing for him as my own. I promise to be his strength and his emotional support, loving him with all my heart until the end of his days."

That did it for Finn and the tears flowed freely from his eyes. He smiled at her as she looked up at him. There was nobody else in the world right now, just the two of them in the soft breeze as the sun set on the world around them.

Rabbi Greenberg turned to Rachel

"Rachel, will you take Finn as your husband, in happiness and with patience and understanding, through conflict and tranquility?"

"I will" Rachel said loudly.

The Rabbi signaled to Jackson who approached with the ring pillow. Rachel took Finn's ring into her manicured fingers, sliding it onto Finn's finger as she spoke "I give you this ring as a visible and constant symbol of my promise to be with you as long as I live."

Father Lord spoke next

"Finn, will you take Rachel as your wife, in happin…"

"I will" Finn spoke before he finished, eliciting a slight giggle from their audience. He took the ring from Jackson and slid it onto Rachel's finger as he spoke "I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you."

Father Lord continued to speak "In the years which shall bring Finn and Rachel into greater age and wisdom, we hope that their love shall be ever young; that they shall be able to always recover from moments of despair. In this hope, may they keep the vows made on this day, in freedom, teaching each other who they are, what they yet shall be, enabling them to know that, in the fullness of being, they are more than themselves and more than each other, that they are all of us, and that together we share joyously the fruits of life on this earth."

Rabbi Greenberg then finished the Ceremony "By the powers vested in us, by the state of Ohio, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride"

Finn pulled Rachel into his arms, snaking his arms around the soft silk of her dress as his lips crashed down on hers, his wife.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME, MR. AND MRS. FINN HUDSON"


	15. Chapter 15

Thanks for all the wonderful support to my followers. Your reward for being awesome? Chapter 15 of course! This is a bit of a filler chapter but I hope you enjoy it all the same. It's citrusy

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September 2040

Finn sat up on the edge of his hospital bed and looked out the large window. He stretched out his back as he sat up tall, he hated this stupid hospital bed. They said it was the Cadillac of beds and if that was the case he didn't want to know what the Fords were like. The world below his 6th floor window was silent and sleeping as he searched for something to pique his interest. Sleeping as it should be at 2:30 in the morning. The nights after Rachel left were always the hardest for Finn. He wanted nothing more than to go home with her, wrap his arms around her and curl up behind her in bed. To be with his wife and children, in his home he had worked so hard for, to be healthy and happy again. Finn was an optimistic person by nature and had been in really good spirits through this whole process. He knew the implications, he was knew he was sick, that he could die but why dwell on that whole thing. Why waste the days he had left in fear of his morality. Life is short under normal circumstances, you have to live everyday to it's fullest. He had to much to live for to think about dying, for Finn Hudson that wasn't even an option. He needed to get better, to go home and watch his girls grow into young women, he was missing so much. To watch his son become the man he had raised him to be. And that was the part that was so difficult, the hardest part was watching the world pass by as he was stuck here, in this hospital, fighting to get himself back. Sometimes he would sit for hours looking out the window at the people out in the world below him and he would wonder about them. About their lives, were they happy, healthy, living everyday to the fullest.. But he was growing stronger, Finn could feel it in every fiber of his being, two months ago he could barely lift his head without it pounding, he couldn't eat without vomiting, he wasn't even strong enough to get around on his own. Finn was happy to get his independence back. He loved all the great nurses and nursing assistants here but it was mortifying to have someone have to help you to the bathroom, to wash you because you were to weak to do so. That first month in the hospital had been horrible, Finn didn't have the strength to roll over in bed. They would come in and prop him up on pillows, they would force every sort of medication they could come up with to help him down his throat. They reassured him that it was part of the illness but Finn still didn't want someone washing his nuts for him.

One month he reminded himself, then it was D-Day. He had finally finished his last round of Chemo and by the end of the month, with the drugs more out of his system, they would get a clear picture of if he was in remission. Until then his doctor wanted him here to regain his strength as his immune system fought to come back. He slid his feet into the cashmere lined slippers Kurt had gotten him. He knew it wasn't real manly but the slippers were fucking comfortable and he felt good finally accepting one of his step brothers presents. He felt that the silk pajamas and satin sheets were a bit much for his hospital stay even if the nurses joked that he was their VIP. God know he should be he had been here for months. He knew Kurt was trying to make Finn feel more at home but he had to draw the line somewhere. He grabbed his IV pole and stood, his grey sweats hanging loosely from his hip bones. He had lost so much weight it was scary, for a dude well over 6 foot he had easily weighed around 180-200 pounds his entire life, seeing himself down near 150 was scary. The wheels squeaked on his IV pole as he pushed it across the room. He hated being attached to this thing but it made for sense for the nurses to push his fluids at night. The last thing he wanted was yet another bout of dehydration so he couldn't complain to much. He stopped at the bathroom and flicked the light on looking at his reflection in the mirror. He was so pale the light almost reflected off his bare chest, he got a sudden vision of Edward Cullen from those damn Twilight movies that were popular when he was a teenager. He turned to the side a bit to get a better look, he had had such nice muscle tone, a combination of gym time and genetics but now he was just skin and bones. He reached up and pulled away the grey skull cap he always wore, he had a whole array of them. Under the safety of grey cotton he was starting to grow back some hair. He ran a hand over his fuzzy head and leaned forward to look. He could not wait to get his hair back, more than anything else. Finn wasn't egotistical but he had a damn good head of hair. Before he had gotten sick he had began to grey at the temples, it had bothered him a bit but now he would give anything to see those grey hairs again. He had to laugh a little at the thought. He was 46 years old, what did he think was going to happen! Rachel had told him he looked even more distinguished and handsome, she always knew exactly what to say to him, even when it was a load of shit.

He left the quiet darkness of his room and pushed his pole towards the nurses station. Finn usually kept mostly to himself, he was the model patient, not asking for something unless he absolutely needed it. Sometimes at night though he would come out and shoot the shit with the young staff that worked at night. You could only watch so many infomercials before they started to drive you insane. The last thing Finn needed was to start buying shit he saw on TV in the middle of the night, Rachel would kill him before the cancer every had a shot. Finn leaned against the desk at the Nurses Station when he reached it and watched the girls charting. They were working diligently leaning over thick charts. Finn realized that the majority of the charts were thick, but I guess that's normal for an Oncology floor. Sensing his presence his nurse Jen looked up at him and smiled. Her blond bob jumping a little with the movement of her head.

"You want something to sleep?" she asked knowing he had sleep issues after his visits from Rachel.

"Nah, I want to feel everything, makes me feel alive"

"You got it don't you?" she asked softly as she wheeled her chair across from where he was standing.

"What?"

"That one true love" she stood as she spoke.

"Yeah" Finn said with a subconscious smile "I guess I do."

"She's a lucky women"

"Nah, I'm a lucky man" Finn laughed.

He heard someone approaching from behind and looked behind him. She must have been the new girl he had overheard them talking about because he didn't recognize her.

"Nice ink" she said motioning to his back.

In the middle of his back was a large treble clef, wrapped around it was a staff with notes on it.

"Are the notes an actual song?"

"Yeah, the chorus to Don't Stop Believing" he began "I got it on my Honeymoon"

* * *

October 2023

Rachel threw open the doors to their private patio and stared out at the sight before her. They had been in Jamaica for less than an hour and she was pretty sure she was in heaven.

"Oh my GOD, Finn is this not the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?"

Finn stood behind her leaning against the small table behind him. His eyes traveled down Rachel's back, over the supple mound of her butt, her short skirt resting just below it. His eyes continued down her long beautiful legs, for someone so short he never was able to understand how her legs were so long.

"Yeah it's beautiful" he said never taking his eyes off her backside.

God she was beautiful, his beautiful wife. _His WIFE_! He tore his eyes from her body and glanced out to look at what she was seeing. He had to give it to her, the view was amazing. The white sand of the beach, turquoise water as far as the eye could see and palm trees blowing in the warm soft breeze. This sure as hell wasn't Ohio. Rachel spun around and looked up at him, he tore his eyes away from the view to smile back down at her. He leaned his tall frame down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. Across the room they heard a small tap on the door and Finn tore himself away from her to answer the door. As Finn took the bags from the bellhop, Rachel picked up the resorts brochure and began skimming through it. Finn lugged the bags into the small family area as Rachel began to speak excitedly.

"They have dancing in the main dining hall every night" she said excitedly.

She looked up to see Finn giving her the look. She giggled at his reaction as he raised an eyebrow at her

"Were you not in Glee Club, did you not see that disaster. Your lucky you got me on the floor at our wedding"

"Fine, Fine" she said glancing back down at the brochure.

"Finny you can zip line through the forest. Doesn't that sound like so much fun"

Finn leaned against the king sized bed as he responded "yeah great."

Honestly the idea of hurling through a forest attached to a metal cord didn't really sound like much fun to Finn but he wasn't going to tell Rachel that. Rachel continued to browse through as Finn watched her intently. He loved how excited Rachel was but he had other intentions right now. After the wedding, the brunch the next day, rushing to the airport and the 6 hour flight to Jamaica with layovers Finn just wanted to spend some sexy time with his wife, after all they still hadn't technically consummated their marriage.

"OH MY GOD Finn, they have horseback riding, on the beach."

Finn stood and walked to Rachel, he grabbed the brochure from her hand and threw it over his shoulder. It was time for some decisive action, this could go on for hours, the thing had 4 damn pages.

"Hey" she protested

Finn laughed as he pulled her towards the bed "The only thing your going to be riding is me."

"Finn Hudson" she squealed as they crashed onto the bed.

He rolled them over and pinned her arms down on the mattress, lowering his head to the soft skin of her neck. His lips felt warm against her pulse point and she moaned at the light contact. Finn held her wrists tight with one of his hands as he ran the other hand down her side and over her hip. She bucked against his body as he brought his lips to hers, crashing down on her passionately. Finn's mind went completely blank, the only thing he could think of was how desperately he wanted to be inside of her right now. Finn realized that Rachel must have been having the same emotions because she was grabbing desperately for his belt. Finn rose up on his knees, straddling Rachel below him as he pulled at his own belt. As he pulled it from it's loops Rachel reached up and undid his jeans, using her whole hands to slide them down his hips. As her hands ran down his thighs a shiver ran up his spine. He loved the way Rachel felt on his body, there was nothing like it in the world. Finn dropped his hands to her waist and pulled on her tank top, she lifted towards him as he pulled it from her and threw it across the room. Below him her breasts rose and fell, encased in royal blue satin, with each deep breath she took. Her eyes traveled down his body to his hard cock, standing at attention between them. She could feel his skin burning where he held her hands down against the bed. While Rachel had complete control in life she loved it when Finn took control in the bedroom. There was something so fucking sexy about being at the mercy of him. She trusted him with her life, and he knew what she would or would not do, so letting him be in control was safe and hot at the same time.

"I am going to fuck you senseless Mrs. Hudson" he growled.

His voice was deep and gritty and Rachel felt her panties grow even moister.

"Well what the hell are you waiting for them" Rachel purred.

In one swift movement Finn pushed her cotton skirt up around her hips. She lifted them as his fingers dug into her skin as her grabbed her panties and slid them down. He released her hands and grabbed her ankles, sliding her legs up over his shoulders as he slammed into her with his huge cock. She gasped in delight as pounded in to her, she moved her hips in a figure 8 as he slid his hands to her hips trying desperately to pull her even closer.

"God, Rach, you are so fucking tight" he groaned.

Her hands splayed out at her sides as she gripped the sheets, slowly loosing control as she started to buck her hips more erratically. The friction her closed legs was creating was amazing. Finn looked down at her, watching her squirm below him. He loved being able to watch her when he fucked her. Finn loved making love to Rachel, slow and sweet, but there were times when a good old fashion fucking was in order, and now was one of those times. It wasn't about the connection or any of that shit, it was about raw human emotion.

"God, Finn, Harder" she squealed.

This felt amazing but her couldn't get at her any harder from this angle so he reached he hands up and shoved her ankles off his shoulders and fell into her open legs. She wrapped her legs around his waste as her nails left trails down his back. Her hips met his every thrust as she moaned his name loudly. Finn and Rachel had certainly made up for lost time since getting back together but married sex, was so much better!

"Finn, baby, I'm so close" she purred into his ear.

Her warm breath on his ear in combination with the words spoken almost sent him over the edge but he slowed down a little and used every bit of willpower to keep himself in control. He was determined to give her the most amazing orgasm for first time as his wife. When they were old sitting on a porch watching the sunset and drinking tea he wanted her to remember this moment. He knew it was just sex but their relationship was so deep it was so much more to him. He was completely emotionally connected to her and becoming physically connected just made it so much better. It was like her body was made for him. Finn brought his lips hotly to her as he sped up once again, he was right on the edge and the only thing he wanted was to take her over that edge with him. He felt that familiar tightening around his throbbing cock as she dug her nails into his shoulders. She moaned his name as she fell over the edge taking him with her in a long groan. He collapse on the side of her, sweaty skin against sweaty skin. Their limbs tangled around each other, their chest rising and falling quickly, their hearts pounding through their bodies.

"Thank You Mr. Hudson" she finally spoke in a breathy voice.

"For what?" his deep brown eyes looking deep into hers.

He reached a hand up and moved her damp bangs from her forehead and smiled at her.

"For always loving me, no matter what. For holding onto us when everyone else had given up, including me. Thank you for loving me for exactly who I am, because of and in spite of all my flaws."

"No baby, Thank you, for making me the luckiest bastard alive"

* * *

2040

Finn snapped back to reality to see the nurses looking at him with knowing glances. He smiled at them and turned to the new girl.

"Why Don't Stop Believing."

My wife and I were in Glee club together in high school"

"You were in Glee Club?" Jen asked shocked

"Damn right and I was good too. I also play the drums and was MVP Quarterback in high school as well as Point Guard."

"A renaissance man" she laughed "The football player with the hidden talent"

"Why that song? I'm sure you sang many"

"Oh we did. We were National Champions my Junior and Senior years of high school. Hearing her sing it was the first time I realized, Damn I love that girl. She was everything I wasn't, everything I shouldn't like, I was the star quarterback dating the blond cheerleader and she was this funky geek in knee socks and an attitude. But she was intriguing. And beautiful. And disgustingly talented. She opened that mouth and I fell hard" he began "when we were in Jamaica there was a tattoo artist staying at our resort. He was an amazing artist and pretty big in the states. He tattooed us as a wedding present, we wanted to get something that represented our love for each other and our music. It has always been the core of our relationship, our ability to hear the music in the others soul."

"Your words are beautiful" Jen said

"Eh, sometimes my heart speaks louder than anything else."

Finn said his goodnight to the nurses and headed back to his room, he was pretty sure he would be able to sleep now. He might not be able to be with his Rachel in reality but he could most defiantly visit her in his dreams.

* * *

I wanted to give you a visual of Finn and Rachel's tattoos but I can't directly put a link in so add the http, colon, slashes and backspace it so it's all on 1 line. If you want to see it.

i81

.photobucket.

com

/albums/

j212/

Sullie06/

tatfr.

jpg


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Okay this is the second to last chapter. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me through this. I know it's been awhile since an update but I kinda got off track. I hope you enjoy this chapter and don't forget Reviews=LOVE!

* * *

_December 2040_

It was three weeks before Christmas and the snow was coming down in sheets outside her bedroom window. Rachel stood in front of her floor length mirror smoothing down her sleek black dress. She pulled her hair from the tight bun she had previously pulled it into and shook her hair out. And she continued to stare, stare at the reflection in the mirror, the dark black dress against the soft tan of her skin, the dark eyeliner covering the red rimmed eyes. She took a deep breath and fought back the need to vomit once again, she had been fighting the feeling for two days. It would just sneak up on her and it would take all that was in her not to keel over and vomit right there. But she had to be strong, she had to hold herself together, today of all days. She walked slowly to the window and watched as the snow fell outside, blanketing the world in white. A sharp contrast to the blackness that filled her life right now. Behind her she heard a sound and turned to see her youngest Harmony in the door way. At 10 years old Harmony was growing into a beautiful young women, she looked so much like a young Rachel Berry had.

"Mom" her voice was soft and airy.

Rachel smiled at her daughter, she had to be strong, she had to be. The young girl crossed the room, her black tulle skirt rustling in the silent room. Rachel sat on the side of the bed and patted beside her. The young girl sat and Rachel pulled her into an embrace rubbing a hand on her head. The young girl snuggled deeper into Rachel's arms as she heard her sniffle. Rachel pulled away and looked down on at her, the brown eyes looked up, a tear forming in the corner. Rachel wiped a tear away with her thumb and smiled at her daughter.

"No more tears okay. We will be okay baby. I promise"

"I hope so Mama" the voice was husky and it killed Rachel to hear it.

"Come here, let me braid your hair, we have to leave soon" she said moving her fingers over her daughters long locks.

And it comforted Rachel, to do something so normal as to braid her girls hair. To just sit in silence and listen to the calming breaths of the child she and Finn had brought into the world. And Harmony said nothing more, she just sat, breathing heavily as Rachel finished the French braid. She kissed the top of her head and smiled down at her

"Go, check on your sisters. We have to leave for the church in 20 minutes."

Harmony nodded and shuffled out of the room and Rachel let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding. She was so proud of her children of what they brought to her life. She couldn't believe how grown up they had become, it seemed like only yesterday they were babies. She thought about the early days, when she and Finn were growing their small family. How with each child they experienced a different joy, how their family grew larger and stronger.

* * *

_June 11, 2024_

Rachel nervously played with the hem of her skirt as they sat in the stuffy waiting room. Beside her Finn was the picture of cool, calm and collected, as he should be. This wasn't a nerve wracking event, it was a happy event. Rachel feared something would go wrong though. It had been 8 months since she and Finn had been married, she had though this would have happened much sooner. She had thought wrong because nothing ever comes easy in the world of Rachel Berry-Hudson. She had first filed for adoption back in January but they were quickly notified that there was some legal hold ups. Apparently when Gretchen advocated her parental rights the forms had not been submitted properly. She was in fact, legally, still his parent. This news devastated Rachel and threw Finn into a fury. Their only option was to try and contact her and get her to sign the papers again. But Finn had doubts, they were much older now, what if she had regretted her decision. He couldn't force this, if she chose to remain his legal parentage then she had that right to. Which meant that Rachel could not adopt Jackson and even scarier, Gretchen could petition for visitation.

The couple of months following that were tough for the couple. Finn was moody and Rachel often found that he was short with her and Jack. She knew he was scared, worried that this life he had finally build would come tumbling down. He blamed himself, said he should have gotten a better lawyer, made sure this was done right for both him and his son. Rachel tried to reassure him, to point out that he was 23 years old, to remind him that Gretchen had never tried to contact him. In March, Finn finally calmed down enough to get in contact with her the only way he knew how, he called his former In-Laws. They were ecstatic to hear from him and wanted to hear about the grandson they never got to meet. They wanted to know everything but Finn didn't want to share.

Rachel remembered the day he called them, sitting at the kitchen table, stark white, spinning his wedding band nervously around his finger. They finally told him that she was living in Pensacola, FL with her boyfriend and gave him contact information before pleading with him to have the opportunity to meet Jackson. He tried to tell them as nice as possible that that was not going to be an option. That Jackson was nearly 7 years old and he could not bring this sort of chaos into his young life, that it would be to confusing for him to meet the parents to a mother he doesn't remember. As Gretchen's mother pleaded in his ear she could see Finn start to sweat and Rachel had crossed the room, put a hand on his shoulder and mouthed 'Be strong My Love". Finn took a deep breath, asserted his opinion and quickly hung up.

Dealing with Gretchen had been much easier surprisingly. He called and she sounded shocked for a half a second before asking what the hell he wanted after 7 years.

"Your absolution of parental rights were not properly filed. I need you to fill out the paper work so we can resubmit."

"Your joking right Finn. That's what you want, 7 years later? No 'Hey Gretch, Hows the family'" her voice laced with sarcasm and something else, contempt maybe.

"Can you just fill out the paperwork, have it notarized and sent to my parents house in Lima" he asked with an edge to his voice.

"Lima huh, you've gone far I see" she said snottily.

"I don't see your name in flashing lights either Babe" he bit back.

She was silent for a moment because he was right, she hadn't made it either. Finn wondered for a brief moment what she had been doing with her life. Despite everything that happened he could never deny the fact that Gretchen was talented. She was no Rachel Berry but she was no slump either, she had potential.

"Why now?" she questioned

"What?"

"Why now" she said slowly "Why do you need this now?"

"I got re-married" he said evenly.

"Risky" she laughed

"What?"

"Because that worked so well for you the first time" she giggled.

Finn could not believe she found this funny. What had happened to that girl he had once loved, who was this women and how had she created someone so perfect and good as Jackson.

"Rachel wants to adopt Jackson but she can't if you still have your rights" he deadpanned. He needed to wrap this up. The last thing he needed to do was get into so debate with Gretchen.

"Rachel, how quaint…" she began "I bet she's a great little wife. Probably folds your socks for you, does she fold your socks Finn?"

"Gretchen" he growled into the phone., now he was getting angry.

"For the love of GOD FINN, don't get your panties in a fucking bunch. This is exactly what I couldn't stand in our marriage. I will go see my lawyer on Monday and get everything to you by next week."

Unfortunately for Rachel and Finn next week turned into two months and by the end of May the papers were finally signed, sealed and delivered.

"Mr. and Mrs. Hudson, Mr. Clark will see you now" a voice broke into her thoughts.

Finn grabbed Rachel's hand and smiled largely at her. She could feel the cool metal of his wedding band, even months later it made her stomach flutter. The sheer joy that this man was hers and hers alone made her smile ear to ear. They followed the receptionist through the door into the dark mahogany and leather of the interior office. Mr. Clark, their attorney, was a portly, sweaty man but he was the best Family Practice lawyer in Western Ohio. As they sat he sprawled out a stack of papers in front of him and handed them pens. They signed the lines where the x's were and slid the papers back to Mr. Clark. He looked them over in silence and then smiled at the couple.

"Congratulations Mrs. Hudson, it's a boy" he laughed.

* * *

_April 16, 2027_

Ohio was drenched in a late Spring heat wave and Rachel had never been more uncomfortable in her life. She way sprawled out on her and Finn's king sized bed. The windows open, the fan at the foot of the bed pushing the humid air around the room, doing little to relieve the stifling heat. She hated these early season heat waves because they threw everything off. Two days ago it had been 60, comfortable and sunny. Beside her Finn laid on his side, his hand brushing over the top of her swollen belly. She was 9 days away from her due date and the only thing in the world she wanted right now was to get this baby out of her. She had been miserable; she knew she was, Finn knew she was and even young Jackson knew she was. She had noticed he had tried to avoid her this evening, going to his room right after dinner to do homework. Despite this sudden heat wave her pregnancy had been a breeze.

It had taken her and Finn two months to get pregnant after deciding to try for a baby of their own. She remembered that warm summer day last July. She had been sitting at her desk filling out applications for work. She had graduated in May with her Bachelor's in Musical Rehabilitation and was excited to start her new career. It was during her career search that it hit her that she was late, she ran to the bathroom and took the test right away. It instantly showed two lines and she squealed in joy, the rest of the afternoon she spent pacing, waiting to tell Finn her happy news. She was pretty sure she saw tears in his eyes when she told him, Finn Hudson was an amazing father.

Rachel looked down her body and watched as Finn leaned close to her belly, his fingers moving over her taunt white skin. His lips were just inches from her belly and she could barely hear his beautiful voice over the sound of the fan. Rachel loved hearing Finn sing, though he didn't do it as much as he did in their Glee days. She had always found that his voice did something amazing to her.

"_If you leap awake in the mirror of a bad dream_

_And for a fraction of a second you can't remember where you are_

_Just open your window and follow your memory upstream_

_To the meadow in the mountain where we counted every falling star_

_I believe the light that shines on you will shine on you forever_

_And though I can't guarantee there's nothing scary hiding under your bed_

_I'm gonna stand guard like a postcard of a golden retriever_

_And never leave til I leave you with a sweet dream in your head" _

Finn spayed his hand out to it's full size and brought his lips to the side of her belly. Leaving a soft kiss where his lips touched her blazing hot skin. She wasn't sure if it was the heat, the baby growing inside her of the feel of her husbands skin but she felt light headed and a bit giddy. He looked up at her and smiled that crooked smile that he saved for her before turning his attention back to her belly.

"_I'm gonna watch you shine_

_Gonna watch you grow_

_Gonna paint a sign_

_So you'll always know_

_As long as one and one is two_

_There could never be a father who loved his daughter more than I love you"_

Below his hand their unborn daughter began to move around. He went silent watching her belly move slightly below his hand. Rachel was so different than Gretchen had been when she was pregnant. Gretchen spend 9 months telling Finn how everything was his fault, she wouldn't let him touch her and constantly yelled at him. His wife, his beautiful Rachel, was so different. She glowed when she was pregnant, she would let complete strangers touch her belly, she was happy to be carrying this little life, this life they had made together. He felt Rachel's hand in his hair and he looked up at her again.

"I love you Finn Hudson" she smiled at him.

This was what she needed, it didn't make it any cooler, or her any more comfortable. But this feeling of being loved, this man, he made everything better.

11 days later, after 7 hours of labor, 32 year old Rachel became a first time mother. 7lb 8oz Arietta Piper Hudson came into the world at 3am and was perfect in everyway.

September 8, 2028

"Rach, what about this?" Lauren said holding up a little black onesie with skulls on it.

"You do realize I'm having a girl right Laur" Rachel laughed.

"So, do you want your daughters to be badass like me or lame like you were in high school?"

"I was not lame" Rachel said defensively.

"Okay" Lauren said throwing the onesie in the cart, "I'm buying my 'niece' the onesie."

Rachel smiled at Lauren as she moved onto another rack of clothing. It was a typical fall day in Western Ohio. The air had a crisp bite to it but wasn't technically cold and the leaves were starting to turn a beautiful medley of colors. Rachel and Lauren had decided to hit the Babies R Us before going heading back to Puck's last BBQ of the year. Rachel was pretty sure Lauren was living vicariously through her, despite the fact that she swore she and Puck didn't want children.

"When's Finn going to be home?" Lauren asked rifling through another rack of clothing Rachel was pretty sure was meant for boys.

"Tuesday" Rachel said putting some fluffy purple thing into the cart.

Finn had been splitting his time between Ohio and Maryland since he accepted a PR job with the Baltimore Raven's. The couple had been discussing moving to Maryland when Rachel had found out she was pregnant with their second. Finn didn't want to totally uproot the family at this point and he had been traveling back and forth ever since.

"I can't believe you guys are going to leave us soon" Lauren said softly.

Despite her hard exterior Lauren had a soft place in her heart for quirky Rachel, in fact the two had become best friends. Lauren looked up to Rachel to see her rubbing the side of her belly.

"Still getting those pains?" Lauren was concerned.

"Yeah, I'm okay though, baby just needs more room" Rachel laughed.

"I'm still amazed you got your husbands giant baby out of you the first time" Lauren laughed.

Rachel shot her a look "Ari was not giant, she wasn't even 8lbs."

"Come on" Lauren said "Puck will freak if we are late to his big BBQ"

Rachel sat in lawn chair talking with Carole. 15 month old Arietta ran circles around the chair and Rachel would give anything for the energy her little girl had. She did a quick Mom glance, taking stock of where 11 year old Jackson was before turning back to her conversation with Carole. She rubbed the pain in her side again and Carole raised an eyebrow at her.

"I'm fine, just some growing pains" she laughed to reassure her mother in law.

Carole and Burt had been amazing when Finn was out of town, helping her in every way they could. It was hard juggling two children, working and being pregnant but Rachel would not give up her life for anything.

"MOM" Jackson yelled loudly "Come here".

"A mother's work is never done my dear" Carole said as Rachel rose to her feet.

Then she felt it, the warm wet liquid between her legs. She looked down at her feet and began to panic. Carole's eyes went to Rachel's feet, the liquid glistening in the late fall sun.

"Oh god, sit down Rach" she guided her daughter in law to her seat.

"It's to early, I still have 5 weeks. It's to early" Rachel kept repeating over and over.

"It's going to be okay Rachel. BURT…" Carole said picking up Ari.

"Finn's not here, I can't do this without him" Rachel was trembling in fear.

"It will be okay Rachel. BURT…. NOAH….." she called across the crowded yard.

"Mama are you okay" Jackson's voice sounded from behind Carole.

"She's okay Jack but I need you to go find either Uncle Puck or Grandpa" she sent the child off in the direction of the food.

He returned a minute later tugging on Puck's arm behind him. Puck had an eyebrow up as he followed Jack.

"What's wrong?" he asked looking from Carole to Rachel.

"Rachel's water broke" Carole said evenly "We need to get her to the hospital."

"WHAT?"

"Noah, get the car"

"FINN" Rachel yelled.

Puck looked down at his best friends wife, her stomach swollen, her eyes frantic as she rocked back and forth in the chair.

"Sweetie, let's just worry about getting you to the hospital" Carole said.

"I need Finn, Noah, please get him" she pleaded.

"Rach, he's in Maryland. It's an 8 hour drive easy"

She frantically reached up and grabbed onto Puck's arm, her nails tearing into his tan skin "Get him here".

Carole removed Rachel's hand from Puck's arm and looked at him "Go get the car Noah."

The rest of the day flew by in a whirlwind. Rachel was dilated 3 centimeters when they arrived at the hospital. They quickly checked her into a birthing room and prepared the NICU for the arrival of their baby. It was early but the doctors tried to reassure her that everything would be okay. Rachel was a mess, she couldn't do this without Finn. He would know how to deal with this, he was her rock, and she needed him here. But she was in active labor and he was trying to get a flight out of Baltimore into Columbus at the last minute. Burt had already driven to Columbus to await for Finn's arrival when he finally got a flight out to Ohio. Rachel's fathers had taken the kids while Puck and Lauren had joined Carole at the hospital. Rachel breathed heavily through a contraction, squeezing Laurens hand in her grasp.

"Any word from Finn?" she asked as she regained her breath.

Puck shook his head and approached Rachel's side taking her other hand "he will get here Rach. It's Finn."

And Puck had been right! Rachel and Finn welcomed their tiny miracle into the world at 11pm that night. Sonnet Carole Hudson was a tiny 4lbs 2oz but she was a fighter. After spending 6 weeks in the NICU they brought their daughter home with a clean bill of health.

* * *

_October 2029_

Rachel felt like crap and that was putting it nicely. She stood over the bathroom sick staring at the tiny white stick that held all the answers she needed. Finn and Rachel had been living in Maryland for 6 months now and she finally felt as though she was settled in. It was nice having Finn home all the time but she missed her friends and family in Ohio. It was convenient always having a reliable babysitter on hand, friends who you could have coffee with and knowing a place like the back of your hand. Out of the whole Hudson clan though Jackson had the hardest time adjusting. He was not happy about moving, having to make new friends and starting at a new school, especially when he was already transitioning to middle school. He had been a handful for the first couple weeks after their move but he had slowly adjusted just like the rest of them.

Rachel looked at the stick and her breath caught in her throat. There staring back at her were those two pink lines. She was pregnant…..again.

Finn had been in just as much shock as she had. They loved their children but their family had grown so large so fast. Finn knew it was his fault too, he was the one who always refused to wear a condom, but Rachel felt so much better without one. But as the news set in and they got to talking about it they both became more and more happy.

On June 12, 2030, Finn and Rachel welcomed their third daughter into the world. She was perfect in every way and her birth was a breeze compared to the chaos that had been Sonnet's birth. Harmony Reed Hudson was the perfect completion to their perfect family.

* * *

_December 2040_

And then it happened she started to hyperventilate, she tried desperately to catch her breath as her exhausted body flew into a full blown panic attack. She collapsed on the bed as tears exploded from her eyes, she was in full on panic mode, crying and gasping for breath. She would never be able to do this alone.


	17. Chapter 17

Alright everybody this is it. The final chapter! Please let me know what you think of the ending and the story in general. Review motivate me to write down more of these crazy idea's in my head!

* * *

Kurt came into the room, took one look at her and immediately ran to her side. He sat on the end of the bed, pulling her into his arms. She grabbed onto his arms and gasped incoherently, her nails digging into the black silk of his suit. Kurt held on to her and let her cry for a brief moment. Her salty tears leaving wet streaks down the smooth blackness of his suit.

"Rachel" Kurt said loudly "Rachel, breathe sweetie."

She mumbled something that Kurt could not understand and gripped tighter on his arms. The fabric bunching beneath her manicured fingers. Kurt winced a little at the tightness of her grip but didn't try and remove her. He rocked her softly, the soft lavender of her hair invading his senses.

"Rachel" he spoke calmly, evenly "Rach, you need to calm down. It's okay, Rachel, you need to breathe"

But she couldn't, it was months of being strong for everyone else, of lack of sleep, of dealing with illness and loneliness. Of trying to be a mother and father for her children, of being the ever optimist, of missing Finn. Her Finn. She gasped for air as her body racked with sobs and Kurt was useless to do anything. So he stroked her hair and tried to bring her out of it. Her face was red, wet and streaks of mascara tracked down her cheeks, pooling where her face met his shoulder. Then the door banged open behind him and Finn bounded into the room. His hair was wet from his shower, he was half dressed in suit pants and a bare chest. He looked from Kurt to his wife and back to Kurt again with wild concerned eyes.

"What did you do to her?" he asked with a smirk to his step brother.

"I don't know" Kurt just mumbled "She just broke down. I can get her to stop."

Finn crossed the room in what appeared to Kurt to be one giant step and swept his weeping wife into his arms. She fit much more completely into Finn's large embrace and Kurt scooted from the edge of the bed. Finn held her trembling body to his much larger frame and stroked her back with the tips of his fingers, speaking in a low tone close to her ear.

"Rachel, baby, calm down. Breath, slow deep breaths. I'm here baby, I'm here"

Rachel clutched at him, holding him tightly, bruising his bare arms with her blunt nails. Her face rested against his bare chest as she continued to try and pull him impossibly closer to her. He tightened his arms around her small frame and rested a cheek on her head. She gasped for a breath below him and tightened her grip on his arms.

"Rach" he began softly, using his Finn voice, the voice only she got to hear.

It was the soft voice he would speak to her in after sex, after a special moment between the two of them. It was her voice, much like his crooked smirk was her smile.

"I need you to try and breathe for me babe. Rachel look at me"

Finn heard a commotion behind him and looked up to see four heads poking into their room, his children, his beautiful innocent children. Their brown hair running into one another's. Concern danced across their expressions. They were much like he had always been, you could read them like a book and right now they looked terrified.

"Is Mama okay?" Harmony asked her brown eyes wide with fear, her voice shaking a little.

"Yeah baby" Finn said softly holding his wife, listening as her breathing evened out a little.

"Are you sure Papa?" Sonnet asked.

Kurt looked from Finn to the kids and turned on his heel "Come on, let's get a snack".

The kids followed their uncle from the room and Finn turned back to Rachel. His chest wet with the cool saltiness of her tears. He held her close, not saying much of anything until she was ready. Just rocking her, stroking her back and whispering how much he loved her into her ear. He brushed her bangs off her forehead and looked down at her, even like this she was perfect. Finally she took a deep breath and looked up at him.

"I can't loose you Finn. I need you. I….. I can't do this alone, without you. I cannot be Rachel without Finn. I don't even know how to do that." she said softly.

He looked down at her with those big brown eyes and smiled "I'm not going anywhere Rach."

Rachel blinked up at him, her eyes rimmed with tears, black streaks making a mess of her beautiful features. If this wasn't such a serious moment Finn would have to have chuckled a little. Rachel looked like a complete mess.

"How do you know Finn? I bet Nathan said the same thing to Crysta all the time and now we are going to his funeral."

Nathan had become a close friend of Finn's while he was in the hospital. Hell sometimes Finn felt like Nathan was the only friend he had, he was the only person that truly understood what was happening to him. They were diagnosed around the same time and went through much of it together, including hospital stays. They had met at a support group about a month before Finn went into the hospital for the first time, less than a week later Finn ran into Nathan in the common room. They would sit down there for hours and talk about everything and anything. Nathan was younger than Finn, at 40, with two young boys and a wife at home. Rachel had come to know Crysta well over the course of this terrible journey and all she could think about was how much she had lost now. They had talked animatedly about getting together once their husbands were better, having picnics and play dates with the kids. But Nathan was never coming home, Chrysta was on her own, to raise her boys without their Daddy. She would never get to hold, talk, kiss or see her husband again, he had lost his battle. It could easily have been Finn. The thought terrified Rachel.

"Rachel, I can't explain why Nathan died and I lived. The world is cruel, there are no explanations for stuff like this. We will never know why I responded to chemo and he didn't. But I'm in total remission now, my counts are amazing. I WILL NOT let this cancer take me from you or from our kids. I need you just as much as you need me."

"I love you so much Finn. I love our family and our lives and I would never give it up for anything."

"I know baby, you are my world" he leaned down and kissed his wife, then wiped at her eyes with his thumb. "Our children are my world. I live and breathe everyday because I know I have all of you. Rachel, I'm so sorry about everything you have had to go through, how much you had to sacrifice and give up to keep this house running. To protect our children from things they can't understand, to have to do all of that on your own with only Kurt to bounce things off of."

"It's not your fault Finn, you were sick"

"I know it's not my fault Rach, but that doesn't mean I don't feel for you. All this time everyone always had such sympathetic things to say to me. While you had to smile and encourage everyone that everything was going to be alright. I cannot believe that you haven't had a break down before this"

"I can't do this Finn, I can't go" she said softly.

"That's fine babe but, I have to, Nathan…." he trailed off.

And she understood, because it was at that moment she saw the fear in his own eyes. Because it could have been him.

"How about you change into something comfy, get the kids changed and snuggle up in here with Netflix. I will go with Kurt and then come back and join you."

Rachel looked at her husband, her beautiful healthy husband and smiled "No, I'll go with you. Because I don't want you to have to do this alone."

* * *

The funeral had been hard. Everyone had had such wonderful things to say about Nathan, the man he was before the illness consumed him. Rachel clung to Finn's arm in the church as the service had gone on, lucky to have him so close to her. To feel his breathing beside her, proof that he was here and alive. The kids were well behaved and somber occasionally looking over at their own father during the service. When Rachel had met up with Crysta at the cemetery she pulled the women into an embrace that was both strong and supportive and held the other women for longer than what would be considered normal.

Finn was glad it was over, glad the whole ordeal could be put behind him. He stood in his bathroom and removed his suit pulling on an old OSU tee shirt and plaid pajama pants. It was only 4 in the afternoon but he didn't care, the world outside would wait for tomorrow. Everything he wanted and needed right now was here, in his large home in Western Maryland. He came out of the ensuite bathroom and looked over to his king sized bed. His tiny wife was leaning against the headboard in her treble clef pajamas, dead center of the bed. Around her his four children were sprawled around the bed and across the end laid his step brother, his family. They were laughing and smiling at each other as Finn watched from the doorway. This reminded him of the early years of their marriage, when the kids would pile into their bed on Saturday mornings and they would watch cartoons together. The world outside passing quietly by as they enjoyed the joy of each other and their children. Finn crossed the room, pulled back the blankets and scooted into the left side of the bed behind Sonnet. She snuggled into his large frame and looked over his shoulder

"I love you Daddy" her voice was soft and honest.

His baby, on the verge of womanhood. When had she grown up into this teenager? When had she become 12 years old. I couldn't believe the amount of time that had passed in their lives.

"And I love you baby" he said putting his lips to his daughters brown hair.

He glanced down at his brother whose head now rested firmly on Finn's feet and mouthed a thank you, for everything. Kurt just shrugged because it was never a question not to help the family.

"Uncle Kurt your taking up to much room" he heard Ari's loud voice and Kurts laughter.

Finn watched as Ari pushed at Kurt's small frame with her small feet. Kurt fell from the bed grabbing at Finn's feet as he fell as in a lump on the floor. Rachel busted out laughing and tried to stifle it as she asked Kurt if he was okay. Kurt crawled back onto his position on the bed, sticking his tongue out at his niece.

"Ari" Finn said with a smirk

"What Daddy?" she said innocently

Across the other side of the bed Jackson laid on his back, his long leg bent at the knee looking at the ceiling, Harmony tucked between his thin frame and Rachel's. He could hear the soft whistle of Harmony's breath alerting them to her sleeping form. Arietta laid sprawled across the middle of the bed, her head on Rachel's legs and feet sprawled across Finn. Finn looked across his daughter and smiled at his wife. Her brown eyes sparkled with the same amount of love Finn felt washing through himself. She winked and blew him a kiss and in that moment Finn wanted to throw them all off his bed and screw her senseless. She shook her head, knowing her husband better than he knew himself.

"I'm going to fuck your brains out" he mouthed to her with a smirk.

"Promise" she mouthed back with a raised eyebrow.

Finn glanced to Kurt and went to push him off the bed again when caught his attention again. He looked at her and she laughed shaking her head.

She smiled again and mouthed to him "Later".

And Finn was okay with that, because life was short but he had time!


End file.
